Girl #1: I had to close my account.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I wasn’t creeping anyone out. Like, the other day some guy IMs me, and I tell him that I’m really into short guys, like five foot three and under, because I want to feel like I’m fooling around with a little boy.
Girl #2: What did he say?
Girl #1: He asked me if I wanted to meet up. Lavalife freak.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Alex
Girl: I’m up for anything. You gotta change it up. I just don’t want to date a guy who’s a stick-in-the-mud.
Guy: Well, I can assure you, my stick has been out of the mud for some time now.
–Battery Park
Girl, pointing at a white blob at the foot of a tree: Ewww, a giant mushroom… oh, it’s a beret. Still, ewww.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl #1: Yeah, I just really don’t like Matthew McConaughey’s arms. I mean, he’s an attractive guy, but his arms are just…
Girl #2: I know what you mean, I guess… they don’t match his body.
Girl #1: I was going to say I hope he gets cancer in his arms, but I didn’t mean it.
Girl #2: I know.
–Columbus Circle
Girl: I think that guy is waving to me.
Guy: That’s a streetlight. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that third piece of paper.
Girl: I can’t wait ’til vegoose.
–South Street Seaport
Guy: Yeah, sometimes I like to suck on my fingers.
Girl: OK.
–Fanelli’s, Prince & Mercer
Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.
–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm
Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Proud Sinner
Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.
–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station
Passenger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!
–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping
Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea
Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.
–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: M. Nofier
Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp.
–Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn
Overheard by: our lady mess
Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny!
–36th & 6th
Overheard by: He touched me too
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Chick #1: What the hell is that?
Chick #2: The placenta.
Chick #1: What’s a placenta?
–Bodies exhibit, Fulton St
Girl #1: He actually told her he was only dating her because she had cancer?
Girl #2: Yup.
Girl #1: That’s such a dumb reason to date somebody.
–Alfangi Spa, 39th & Madison
Overheard by: Emily
