Girls

Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass.

–Astoria Blvd

Overheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim

Runners-Up:
· “A Little ‘Piece’ of Heaven” – Mistress Squidia
· “And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven…” – smo
· “Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit.” – Paul Nielsen
· “From Rear to Eternity” – ilemanzer
· “Heaven i’taint.” – Lee
· “Holy Shit” – lounamaa
· “I Don’t Think That’s What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: ‘I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'” – Jenny
· “Must Be a ZoroASStrian” – John P.
· “Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau” – steph
· “Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You’re Led to Believe in Church.” – J.C.
· “Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?” – kelynsh

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.

–Gavroche, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest

Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?

–Water Club, 500 E 30th

Overheard by: Carolyn

Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?

–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th

Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kaydot

NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.

–MoMA

Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast!

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!

–3rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: confused grad student

English girl: The Strokes could do anything and be hot.
Friend: Yeah.
English girl: Even, like… hmm, I was going to say even if they were having a gay orgy, but —
Friend: That would be hot anyway!
English girl: Yeah! So they’d still be hot even if they…
Friend: Were peeing.

–MAC, Spring St

Girl #1: You’re so hot!
Girl #2: [keeps grooving to music]Girl #1: I just want you to have a threesome with me, you bitch!
Girl #2: Sure!

–Houston & Essex

Coed #1, pointing at huge stain on her shirt: It’s coffee. I used water to rub it off, but the water made it all wet!
Coed #2: You should have used club soda!

–New School, 13th & 5th

Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.

–82nd & Columbus

Girl with violin case: I asked Weijing and she said it was OK.
Hag with eye tick: She must not have understood you. She’s not blond, you know. She’s Chinese.
Girl with violin case: Um, I’m pretty sure she understood me.

–Juilliard

Girl #1: I’ve been doing eHarmony, and all of the guys they’ve matched me with have fit my personality really well.
Girl #2: I want to try eHarmony.
Queer: You’re getting married in, like, three months.
Girl #2: I know… I’m just curious.

–Uptown 6 train

Overheard by: I Know a Good Divorce Lawyer

Man in truck: [Honks horn]Rollerblading girl: What the hell does he want from me?
Man in truck: [Wolf whistles] Yeah, baby!
Rollerblading girl: …Oh. Sex.

–50th & Riverside

Overheard by: Vicksburg
Headline by: Jaya

Runners-Up:
· “And That’s How I Met Your Father… and Your Father. Oh, and Your Father Too.” – michael Levy
· “He Puts the ‘F’ in ‘Keep on Trucking'” – LadyP
· “I Knew Those Knee Pads Would Come in Handy!” – jackster
· “In Germany It Means ‘Let’s Play Scrabble Sometime'” – briguy
· “It’s Called a Chevy Pick-Up” – jason
· “Next on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom: Mating Calls of the North American Teamster” – Tom Beckett
· “Pointing at Your Crotch Just Doesn’t Say It Anymore” – Bevan
· “The Etymology of ‘Horny'” – wavyfrog
· “They Usually Want To Discuss Dialectical Materialism” – International Man of Leisure
· “Well That, and Directions to Maryland” – that1dude
· “What’s Wrong With a Little Four by Foreplay?” – Elle

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Compassionate chick, looking at homeless cats: Oooh, look at this one. It only has one eye. What happened?
Kitten rescue volunteer: Oh, it lost an eye.

–72nd & Columbus