Chick: …wait, what?
Man: Yeah, I have hepatitis.
Chick : Which one?
Man: …A and C.
–Yaffa Cafe, St. Marks
Chick: …wait, what?
Man: Yeah, I have hepatitis.
Chick : Which one?
Man: …A and C.
–Yaffa Cafe, St. Marks
Guy #1: He sucks, though I don’t want him working there with me.
Guy #2: Why does he suck? Is he slow at washing dishes or something?
Guy #1: Yeah, he takes forever. All I do is throw them in the water, skeet on ’em and put them in the drying rack.
–L train
Dude #1: Hey, look at that guy.
Dude #2: What guy?
Dude #1: That guy, he just moved behind the thing. Is he staring at those kids?
Dude #3: Maybe he’s a kid aficionado.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: brendon
Guy #1: Gosh, I can’t just live here and not have a job.
Guy #2: Well, Columbus survived when he settled here.
–4 train
Overheard by: jeremy kirkland
Guy: Dude, no one uses “hobo” in a sentence anymore.
–McCoy’s Bar, 9th Avenue
Trainer guy #1: How do you say “sixty-nining” in Chinese?
Trainee lady: I don’t know…How do you say it in Trinidadian?
Trainer guy #2: There is no language called Trinidadian. They speak English. It was a British colony.
Trainee lady: What happened?
–New York Health & Racquet Club, Whitehall Street
Guy #1: Yo, them pants is hot, where’d you get ’em?
Guy #2: Muthafuckin’ eBay, nigga!
–7th & Bleecker
Overheard by: Eve’s droppings
Guy #1: …so I heard that the more you think you know, the less you actually know.
Guy #2: Yeah, I think I read that somewhere.
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: Jenyc
Guy: If you could marry Dave Matthews right now, would you?
Girl: Yeah, I would; I would piss on his face!
Guy: What?
Girl: Yeah, I heard he likes that.
–John & Gold
Overheard by: Jon Margolis
Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.
–Washington Square Park
Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!
–2 train
Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: basselope
Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…
–Stop and Shop, Astoria
Overheard by: Dan
