He Was Hoping for Some Insider Knowledge

Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?

–Elevator, 101st & Broadway

Posted on March 23, 2008
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Elevators, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Heat, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness

And It’s Acid Rain, So You Save Money on Drugs

Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills.

–Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Erin Partridge

Posted on March 22, 2008
Advice, Brooklyn, Default, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Old People, Street

Although If You Attempt to Jump Out That Window, We’re in Business

Girl: Couldn’t you just write me a prescription?
Guy: No, I can’t do that yet.

–Ludlow & Stanton

Overheard by: Barry

Posted on March 17, 2008
Default, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Lower Manhattan, Questions

Don’t Sweat the Big Black Stuff

Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.

–Queens-bound E train

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Posted on March 15, 2008
Asians, Black People, Comebacks, Compliments, Default, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Men, On the Subway

Even the Truth

Redhead: I just learned that people can become lactose intolerant from drinking too much alcohol.
Guy: I told you — the people at your intervention will tell you anything to get you to stop.

–91st St

Posted on March 11, 2008
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Lies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He Should Get a New Doctor So He Can Ask the Old Doctor Out

Teen guy #1: When you get a physical, it’s normal to get a thumb up your ass, right?
Teen guy #2: Are you serious?
Teen guy #1: Why?
Teen guy #2: No, dude. That’s fucked.
Teen guy #1: Yeah… Time for a new doctor.

–51st & 2nd

Overheard by: Your mom

Posted on March 10, 2008
Ass, Body Parts, Default, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Teens

From Eye Fucking?

Chick #1: Can you hand me my eye drops? They’re in my bag.
Dude: What do you need them for?
Chick #1: My eye-ritis.
Dude: Wait… Eye-ritis? Like arthritis?
Chick #1: Yeah…
Chick #2: Guess how she got it? She slapped herself! [Laughs.]Chick #1: And now I probably have AIDS.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Posted on March 6, 2008
Columbia University, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Stupidity

So They Can’t Afford to Drink, Use Drugs, or Overeat

Bimbette #1, reading subway ad: ‘Sleeping with your baby is dangerous, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.’ Hahaha!
Bimbette #2: I’m pretty sure sleeping with your baby is bad no matter what.
Bimbette #3: Except that in, like, every other country besides the United States everyone sleeps on the floor, like, on their mat, with their baby next to them.

–1 train

Overheard by: inge