Girl: Well, you would have to be loaded to get someone to wash your balls every hour.
Guy: No, I wouldn’t. I could do that shit now! Just pay someone who works at McDonald’s five bucks an hour more, they would so do it.
Girl: Yah, but do you really want someone who worked at McDonald’s washing your balls?
Guy: I’m getting a chubby.
–Greene St & Spring St
Overheard by: Laughed Out Loud
Guy #1: Dude, I’ve got nub.
Guy #2: I’ve got rocks.
Guy #1: Word.
Guy #2: Oh, let’s put them in the hookah and smoke all of them at the same time. I heard it’s a fun game.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Samantha
Girl: Well, she was clearly hurt. Her eye swelled up like a monkey’s vagina!
Guy: What? Like a monkey’s vagina?
Girl: Yeah, when they’re in heat.
Guy: Ohhh… Only monkeys’ vaginas swell?
–Elevator, 101st & Broadway
Elderly shopkeeper in the pouring rain: Hey! Hey, amigo! When you go home, don’t take shower. You save money on bills.
–Morgan & Flushing, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Erin Partridge
Girl: Couldn’t you just write me a prescription?
Guy: No, I can’t do that yet.
–Ludlow & Stanton
Overheard by: Barry
Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Redhead: I just learned that people can become lactose intolerant from drinking too much alcohol.
Guy: I told you — the people at your intervention will tell you anything to get you to stop.
–91st St
Teen guy #1: When you get a physical, it’s normal to get a thumb up your ass, right?
Teen guy #2: Are you serious?
Teen guy #1: Why?
Teen guy #2: No, dude. That’s fucked.
Teen guy #1: Yeah… Time for a new doctor.
–51st & 2nd
Overheard by: Your mom
Chick #1: Can you hand me my eye drops? They’re in my bag.
Dude: What do you need them for?
Chick #1: My eye-ritis.
Dude: Wait… Eye-ritis? Like arthritis?
Chick #1: Yeah…
Chick #2: Guess how she got it? She slapped herself! [Laughs.]Chick #1: And now I probably have AIDS.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Noah Tizzle
Bimbette #1, reading subway ad: ‘Sleeping with your baby is dangerous, especially if you drink, use drugs or are overweight.’ Hahaha!
Bimbette #2: I’m pretty sure sleeping with your baby is bad no matter what.
Bimbette #3: Except that in, like, every other country besides the United States everyone sleeps on the floor, like, on their mat, with their baby next to them.
–1 train
Overheard by: inge
