Drunk girl #1: I wanna sleep here! Just because I wanna sleep outside of Doc Holliday’s doesn’t make me a bad person.
Drunk guy: I wanna sleep here! Don’t ever make me get up!
Drunk girl #2: You can not sleep outside of a saloon in Alphabet City. That makes you trash. Sleeping on the streets makes you trash. Would you please get up?
Drunk guy: Fine, but you better find me some drugs.
–Doc Holliday’s
Three girls singing in unison: Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah! Roma-Roma-ma-ah! Ga-ga-ooh-la-la!.
Disturbed hobo: Alright there, ladies googoo!
–A Train
Hipster guy: Dude, he always blames it on the train dispatcher. He needs to own his problems, you know?
–F train
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Crazy guy: 3 fucking white kids talking to a chink.
Chick #1: Little does he know that’s not the most offensive thing we’ve heard tonight.
Chick #2: Yeah, by comparison it was politically correct.
Chick #1: Yeah, it was kinda a relief.
–4 train
Hobo: This shit happens now! Y2K my ass, the world will end this New Year’s Day, 2006! Coming to a theatre near you…
–A train
Overheard by: Nina
Hobo: Can I have a cigarette?
Girl: Sorry, I just bummed my last one to that guy.
Guy: Dude, you just said “bum” to a bum.
–Central Park
Creepy hobo: Oh, you got some ice water, that looks good.
Preschool girl who has just pulled out water bottle: (gives him look)
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, put your water away!
Creepy hobo: She just wants some ice water.
Preschool teacher: Jasmine, do you know that man? Are you talking to him?
Preschool girl: No, he was talkin' to me!
Creepy hobo: We was just talkin' about ice water, nothin' wrong with that.
–N Train
Overheard by: Natalie
Hobo: Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me get some food? Can anybody help me get something to eat? I appreciate it.
20-something girl, handing him a ziplocked sandwich: It's peanut butter and jelly.
(hobo hands it back, reconsiders, opens bag, sniffs it, and reluctantly eats it)
Hobo eating sandwich: Cam amymumy hem me. Cam amymumy hem me geh some food that's not a peanut butter sammich. I appreciate it.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Albertro
Tourist girl #1: Hey, look behind me.
Tourist girl #2: What? All I see is a wall.
Tourist girl #1: No, you dumb shit — on the ground.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, it’s just a hobo. Oh my god, it’s a hobo! [Screaming] Ahhh! I’m scared of hobos! Will he rape me?!
Tourist girl #1: Shut up, retard. Just ’cause he is a sleeping hobo doesn’t mean he can’t hear you. And no, he won’t rape you.
Tourist girl #2: Oh, well, good thing I’m with you — I feel safer.
Tourist girl #1: Why?
Tourist girl #2: ‘Cause if anyone was gonna rape one of us, they would pick you to rape first — you’re way prettier — so while they were raping you I could run away screaming.
Tourist girl #1: Shut up. You’re a freak.
–Netherlander Theatre
Overheard by: rent head
Overweight geeky lunatic protester: The perpetual battery will last longer than any of us! The perpetual battery is the answer to all of our energy problems! It will draw its power from the very vacuum of space!
–Union Square South
Overheard by: Percival
Crazy old guy with beard and hat with lots of buttons: Where is the moon? Where is the moon, where is the galaxy? Have you ever seen Men in Black? It's all about the galaxy. The earth is beneath Columbus Circle. The moon is at 64th and Central Park West. If you had to suspend reality, how would you do it?
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: Jingles
Professor: Has anybody ever seen a solar eclipse? Anybody, anybody? (silence) No? Well, maybe we were all inside on Facebook when it happened…
–St. John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Andrea
Visiting professor, explaining "word salad": Cream cheese to the moon mother, fuckers!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Molly Moo
Obviously sober guy: I know Vikings eat ham, but what about Saturn?
–Rotating Cube Sculpture, Astor Place
Blonde: You cannot eat in space! It sucks you in.
–Union Square
Crazy bag man with hat full of buttons: Where's the moon, where's the moon? If the globe on Columbus Cirlce is the earth, the moon is on 63rd Street West. That is a test of spatial ree-al-uh-tee. How well did you do?
–Uptown 3 Train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Les Izzmore
Hobo: Booga-wooga-wooga!
Little boy: You are a crazy man!
Hobo: Shish-ka-bobba-bobba!
Little boy: Cockadoodledoo!
Hobo: You are a crazy boy.
–Union Square
