Nurse on phone with patient: You speak Korean? Is that like Mandarin Chinese or Cantonese? So it’s called Korean? It’s not Chinese?
–New York Presbyterian Hospital
Nurse on phone with patient: You speak Korean? Is that like Mandarin Chinese or Cantonese? So it’s called Korean? It’s not Chinese?
–New York Presbyterian Hospital
Black queer on stretcher: Careful with me, darlings, I has a light bulb up my ass!
Bystander in ER: I hope it’s one of those energy-saving, compact, fluorescent light bulbs.
–Beekman Downtown Hospital
Overheard by: Big Larry
Nurse #1: The guy in room 14 is so annoying.
Nurse #2: No wonder somebody stabbed him in the fucking face.
–1st Ave
Dude to woman: You can’t talk about the second dimension, but you can talk about sewing?!
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: Joy
Asian woman to boyfriend: I am not going to talk about having a threesome with you and your clone on the train!
–Brooklyn-bound F train
Overheard by: Ann
Chick on cell: … Talking about the apocalypse, but they were really laid back people.
–Barnard College
Lady: I can’t even talk to you for seven minutes, and you’re about to be my husband!
–Union Square
Woman on cell: I know you’re full of muscle relaxants and want to chat, but I can’t talk right now. Just take a picture of it and email it to me.
–57th & 6th
Overheard by: Withnail
Girl: Oh! Funny story — I was talking to my therapist about suicide yesterday…
–13th & 6th
Overheard by: gigglesnort
Tween girl #1, trudging through snow: What’s with this weather? It’s so annoying.
Tween girl #2: Yeah. Weren’t we having global warming? Let’s stop recycling or something.
–110th & Broadway
Doctor #1, about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.
–Doctors’ lounge, St. Vincent’s Hospital
Overheard by: Danny D
Headline by: s h
Runners-Up:
· “And we know why she didn’t come.” – Offbalance
· “Nip, Tuck, or Genetic Luck?” – Iconny
· “Or Maybe It’s Just that When You Multiply a Negative by a Negative, You End Up With a Positive” – Vasyl
· “Sex and the Sitar” – nicky c
· “The Good, the Bad, and the Ravi” – Riley
Woman on cell: Well, we have a large problem — his thing is very small…
–Outside Papaya Dog, W 4th
Overheard by: notrob
Professor: So, you have all seen large penises and small penises, but you never see a fatty penis! [Class laughs.] Is that a ‘Yes, that is true’ laugh, or what?
–Columbia University Med Center
Female theater-goer: His penis would have been normal-sized if he was five-foot-six. As it was, everything was out of proportion.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Colleen
Drunk man with imaginary cup: Excuse me, sorry for doing this — I’m not shy, I just have a small penis, and I’d really appreciate some money for a penis enlargement surgery. And if not money, then a sandwich. A BLT or a larger cock. Thank you. I just want a larger cock.
–2 train
Overheard by: Man with the big penis
Doctor: Order an MRI, CT scan, and a full blood work-up.
Session assistant: Okay… What’s the primary diagnosis?
Doctor: I don’t know, cancer?
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?
–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.
–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel
TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’
–26th St
Overheard by: agrees with that girl
College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?
–114th & Broadway
Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.
–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
