Uh oh. I’m not married or gay…

Chick #1: I have never been in love! Never never ever! Can you believe it?
Chick #2: Really? Wow! Well, look what’s out there.
Chick #1: I know! All the good ones are married, all the cute ones are gay, and the rest look like Shrek! All I want to do is meet a really sweet nice guy whos gorgeous and musical and creative and sweet like Jack White! Oh my god, he’s a god!
Chick #2: That White Stripes guy that punched someone out?
Chick #1: Yeah, he’s my idea of a perfect guy! God I love him!
Chick #2: Look! I got chocolate!
Chick #1: Yeah! Chocolate!

–Otto’s Shrunken Head, East Village

Posted on May 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Bars & Clubs, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Food, Girls, Idiots, Love, Music, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

A Real Life Three’s Company Moment

Guy: …so then she tells me she’s a call girl.
Girl: Oh, I did that for a while. Back in high school.
Guy: You were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah, for a little while. It sucked.
Guy: Um…yeah?
Girl: Yeah. Pay was okay, but it just wasn’t worth it. Everybody always yelling at you and hanging up on you.
Guy: Hanging up on you?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Because you were a call girl?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like a telemarketer?
Girl: Yes!
Guy: Oh. Well, this girl wasn’t…that kind of call girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on May 19, 2015
Idiots, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Prostitution, Stupidity

What, You Mean Now?

Cashier: Can you spell your name, please?
Man: … Ummm… yes.
Cashier: I meant, can you spell it for me?

–Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope

Overheard by: meyers of keswick

Posted on May 17, 2015
Cashiers, Idiots, Men, Names, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Stupidity, Words

The Real Reason So Many Writers Are Alcoholics

Arrogant freshman: Well, I find the whole drafting process a little counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, it’s productive.
Arrogant freshman: I tend to disagree. I think it’s counter-redundant.
Writing professor: No, the word! The phrase is ‘counter-productive.’ [Mumbles] Fucking smartass.

–NYU

Posted on May 17, 2015
Idiots, Insults, NYU, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, War, Words

The Other White Death

Man: (sneezes)
Woman: Swine flu!

–14th St

Overheard by: moxychique

Posted on May 15, 2015
Idiots, Illness, Men, Paranoia, Street, Women

Damn Minorities, Taking All the Swarovski Crystals

Dude: Yeah, so on my senior trip this girl won a bunch of Swarovski crystals…
Girl: Was she rich?
Dude: Well, she’s a minority, so I wouldn’t think so.
Girl: Good. I would hate it if she was rich.

–Wendy’s, Parsons Blvd

Posted on May 15, 2015
Idiots, Race, Restaurants & Cafes

We All Agreed That the South Isn’t a Country

Woman #1: Wow, are those peaches?
Woman #2: Yeah, peaches.
Woman #1: Wow, I thought they only grew in poor countries.

–Community garden, 9th & C

Posted on May 10, 2015
Fruit, Global Geography, Idiots, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Women

The Best Zoo Party Ever Til’ Everything Went Totally Wrong

Girl #1: I like can’t even wait for going out tomorrow night, it will be so fun!
Girl #2: I know, but like, we are always the ones who plan our nights out.
Girl #1: Yeah, I know! But we are like so good at it, we should be PR girls! Or party planners!
Girl #2: Yeah! We could do child party planning, and like, we could take them to the zoo!
Girl #1: Oh my god, yeah! But we would have to bring alcohol for us.
Girl #2: Well, what would the kids do then?
Girl #1: I dunno, they could like go off and do their own thing while we drink, right?
Girl #2: Totally.

–The Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: kevin