Asian guy #1: Fucking motherfucker!
Asian guy #2: Ass-fucking mule!
Asian guy #1: Cum wad!
Asian guy #2: Asian!
Asian guy #1: Whoa, man, that’s just rude.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: Laura
Asian guy #1: Fucking motherfucker!
Asian guy #2: Ass-fucking mule!
Asian guy #1: Cum wad!
Asian guy #2: Asian!
Asian guy #1: Whoa, man, that’s just rude.
–Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: Laura
Yuppie girl #1: Last night I actually had to tie Dave’s tie for him.
Yuppie girl #2: Dave, please be more inept.
Yuppie girl #1: I know. It’s sad. Where the fuck would guys be without us girls?
Middle-aged man: Still in the Garden of Eden, you gullible bitch.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Alex
Customer: They don’t have stars today like we had. This Britney Spears…
Owner: She’s a pig.
Customer: She’s a pig.
Owner: She’s a pig.
Customer: She’s a pig! You know what’s wrong with her? Her mother shoulda smacked her in the mouth more often.
–Pet store, 25th & 3rd, Sunset Park
Overheard by: Pippa
Clueless white lady: Oh, I wanted to see this Dave Chappelle’s Black Party— I mean, uh…
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
White guy: I didn’t call him a monkey because he was black, I called him a monkey because he’s a fucking retard.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Little Dominican boy to teacher: How come only black people get to be Indians?
–Plains Indians exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Old white lady trips over middle-aged white guy’s luggage: You’re just as bad as the black people!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: trying to get out of the way
Black guy to white guy in giant afro wig: Yeah, I wish I could be black.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Girl #1: So, when he was done I turned over and pressed my ‘that was easy button’ from Staples.
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah, but now he won’t text me back.
–Orchard & Rivington
Overheard by: greer
Guy #1: My girlfriend is making me go see the Rachel Ray show live.
Guy #2: Why? Man, you need to put that shit to rest.
Guy #1: What does that even mean?
Guy #3: He’s saying you’re a pussy-whipped fag and that your girlfriend is a bitch.
–6 train
Overheard by: Shreve-ey-ey
Woman: Come here, sweetheart! You lousy fucking Puerto Rican scum!
–4th & MacDougal
Construction worker to another: Come here, I’ll buy you some food ’cause you’re my man. What, you want Puerto Rican food? They’ve got Puerto Rican food here.
–Burger King, 46th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Suit: Have you ever been to Croatia? They treated me like a god just for being Puerto Rican.
–M31 bus, between Madison & Lex
Dude: Nawww, don’t go to Puerto Rico. It’s just like New Jersey!
–Outside Caliente Cab Co.
Hipster guy, after hipster girl sneezes: Oh, God bless you.
Hipster girl: Don’t bless me.
Hipster guy: Fuck you, then.
–Fat Baby, Lower East Side
Overheard by: RoninTy
Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.
–American Airlines flight
Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!
–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us
Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself
Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.
–100 Washington Sq East
Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.
–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station
Overheard by: wasn’t me
Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.
–PATH, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.
–Christopher & Bleecker
