Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.
–American Airlines flight
Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!
–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us
Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself
Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.
–100 Washington Sq East
Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.
–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station
Overheard by: wasn’t me
Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.
–PATH, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Salesgirl: Hey. Wow, you look really bad!
Salesguy: Gee, thanks.
Salesgirl: It’s just that your eyes are all bloodshot. And your skin is kind of grey.
Salesguy: Oh, that.
–American Apparel, Broadway
Girl: Wouldn’t you prefer me to be conscious?
Guy: As long as I can play with your tits, I’ll be all right.
–Library Bar, Houston & Ave A
Obnoxious teen #1: Oh my god! You like her? She’s a whore!
Obnoxious teen #2: Ummm… She’s in my math class, you know. She’s really smart.
Obnoxious teen #1: Smart and a whore. That just means she won’t get an STD.
–Nail salon, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Samideluxe
Guy about movie being shot on street: I bet it’s a shitty movie.
Set assistant girl: I’m sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
Guy: You’re a pain in the ass. How could you work for a company like that?
Set assistant girl: I’m sorry, sir.
Guy: You come in barging into our city…
Set assistant girl: The mayor gives the permits, sir.
Guy: Yeah, well, it’s a shitty movie.
Set assistant girl: Shut! Up!
–9th St & 5th Ave
Jerk in back row: Paul McCartney should have stopped after the Beatles. I mean, what the fuck else good did he do after that? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. He couldn’t go from point A to point B. What’s the shortest distance from A to B, again? Like, the hypotenuse of a triangle? He never found the hypotenuse without Lennon.
Annoyed man in front of him: Dude, the hypotenuse is the longest side. Now shut the fuck up.
Annoyed man’s girlfriend: That was so hot.
–Carnegie Hall
Hipster girl: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Hipster bartender: Lord of the Rings.
Hipster girl: Okay, seriously — this is a safe place, there’s no judgment here, but you’re fucking retarded.
–Enid’s Bar
Hungover chick #1: I was so drunk last night I can hardly even remember counting down.
Hungover chick #2: Did we even count down?
Hungover chick #1: Yeah, idiot.
Hungover chick #2: When?
–Lyric Diner, 22nd St & 3rd Ave
Teen boy #1: You hit like a girl.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, well, you taste like a girl.
–110th St & Cathedral Pkwy
