She Had to Have Been Around Three-Months-Old When I Stole Her from That Playground

Woman: I need to pick up my child from daycare, where would she be?
Security guard: What age group?
Woman: I think she’s one.

–Rockefeller Plaza

Posted on October 26, 2015
Babies, Kids, Parents, Rockefeller Center, Women

How Fox Decides What Shows Will Go to Syndication

Dad: King of the Hill?
Six-year-old daughter: Yeah!
Dad: Simpsons?
Six-year-old daughter: Yeah!
Dad: Alf?
Six-year-old daughter: Noooooooo.

–117th & Broadway

Posted on October 24, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, Questions, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

All NYC Kindergarteners Now Learn About Bernie Madoff

Six-year-old boy, crying to his mother: Because… (sniff) …he's a fff… He's a fff… He's a fucking sonofabitch! (cries)
Mother: What?

–Brooklyn

Posted on October 16, 2015
Brooklyn, Crying, Insults, Kids, Moms

Dog: If I Bit That Kid, I Could Die Happy

Boy: Look mommy, it's a doggy, it's going to say “ruff!”
(dog stares at boy)
Boy: Oh… It's not a ruff doggy…
Mom: No, honey, it's a sweet doggy.
Boy (wide eyed): It can say “sweet?”

–Washington Mews & University

Overheard by: Tyler

Posted on October 12, 2015
Kids, Language Barrier, Man's Best Friend, Moms, The Village, Words

Teach Me, Bobby! Teach Me!

Six-year-old boy: You know that song “Let's Get It Started”? It's by the same group that sings your favorite song “Boom Boom Pow.”
Eight-year-old boy: The Black Eyed Peas?
Six-year-old boy: Yeah! They came out with “Let's Get It Started” way back in the day… Before they changed their sound.

–Cosi

Posted on October 11, 2015
Kids, Music, Restaurants & Cafes, Singing

In New York, You Can Find Anything at 3 in the Morning. Even a Play Date.

Little girl: I don’t wanna! I’m 8 years old. I’m 8 years old!
Mother: Honey, it’s 3 AM. We have to go home now.

–W 48th St

Posted on October 7, 2015
Girls, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Time

And, of Course, the Cycle of Violence

Little boy: Where are we going, Joseph*?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: I’m your grandpa. If you call me Joseph, I’ll kick your ass.
Little boy: Why?
Huge American Indian in floor-length fur coat: It’s about respect.

–9th & 4th station, Park Slope

Overheard by: Glad my grandpas are dead