Queer #1: Do you know anyone named Jonathan who is here tonight?
Queer #2: I know five Jonathans who are here tonight. Why?
Queer #1: Because this guy named Jonathan just came up and started making out with me and then left.
Queer #2: That sounds like all five Jonathans.
–View Bar, 22nd & 8th
Guy #1: I hate my job, my boss is a dick, and if he does not get off my back, I swear I’ll blow that motherfucker up!
Guy #2: Quit
Guy #1: Oh yeah, man quess what? I just got a kick ass raise the other week.
–33rd & Lex
Queer #1: So the whole time you were married you weren’t going out with men?
Queer #2: Nope.
–Bleecker & 6th
Chick: I’m going to get some popcorn. Do you want anything to eat?
Queer: Nah, no thanks.
Chick: So just my vajayjay then?
Queer: Yep, thanks.
–Lincoln Square Theater, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jas
Conductor: This is 59th Street, Columbus Circle. Next Stop 72nd. Please use all available doors, folks. Please, use all available doors and walk to the center of the car. I’m talking to you, lady. Yeah, you in the purple standing by the door. Walk… in… to… the…. middle. Don’t give me that face, just get in the middle.
Woman in purple: Jesus! I’m switching cars. Fuck you, nigga!
The doors close.
Conductor: Haha, bitch.
–D train, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Lauren Michelle
Woman: Hey, when’s that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What’s that?
Woman: Maybe it’s just a joke. Like the “L” in Samuel “el” Jackson’s name. I think that’s a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel “the” Jackson?
Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Kershinator
Girl #1: Yeah, so lately I’ve been really getting into African click songs.
Girl #2: Please don’t demonstrate.
–Grand Central Station, Dining Concourse
African-American student: Later Mr. B, stay white and don’t let the black man bite!
Mr. B: Ok, Alex, stay black and don’t take my wallet.
–NYC Lab School
Vendor guy: Hey baby, do you want the Post delivered every morning?
Hot girl: No, I don’t know how to read.
Vendor guy: That’s all right, I’ll read it to you. I’ll come to your crib and read it to you every morning.
–3rd Ave street fair
Overheard by: Andy Marc
