Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
Guy: We are such yuppies.
Girl: What’s a yuppie?
Guy: It stands for Young Urban Professional.
Girl: Oh, I thought it just meant anyone who lives in New York who’s under the age of 25.
–Angelika, Houston Street
Wealthy tourist man, pointing at a Starbucks: That must be one of those internet cafés.
–28th & 3rd
Overheard by: Dustin
Hunky doorman #1 into his lapel mic: He wants to know how much you can bench press.
Listens for answer.
To hunky doorman #2: He says, “enough!”
–W Hotel, Park Avenue South
Overheard by: Sean
Broker guy: So did you go to Moran’s last night?
Trader guy: Nah, can’t get these guys to go there. They keep trying to drag me to Light.
Broker guy: Oh yeah, you don’t like the place?
Trader guy: Nah, every time I go there I feel like I gotta check my testicles at the door.
–American Stock Exchange, Trinity Street
Overheard by: Dermot Lynch
Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up.
Phone rings.
Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is.
They stare at each other and think real hard.
Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad.
–Milady’s, Soho
Overheard by: rhyno
Daily Show warm-up guy: You all know who hosts this show, right?
Audience member: Craig Kilborn!
–The Daily Show studio
Overheard by: Brian Resler
Drunk Long Island girl #1: I am so wasted and I haven’t even thrown up yet!
Drunk Long Island girl #2: It’s like, we’re drunk and we’re from Long Island. We should be all… proper and shit.
–29th & 7th
Overheard by: 100% not drunk
Guy: Hey, hey shortie with the red hair…Hey, I’m talkin’ to you!
Girl: Yeah, and I’m ignoring you.
–29th & 7th
Chick: The waiter said I couldn’t sit on his lap. Then he said not only couldn’t I sit on his lap, that the people next to us complained that I was sitting on his lap! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life, that you can’t sit on someone’s lap in a restaurant. And to blame the people next to us, who were lovely?
–Our Place, 3rd Avenue
