Manhattan

Stupid Tourists: Epidemic or Illusion?

Girl: Excuse me, which of these trains goes to Manhattan?
Suit: Shut up.

–34th Street N/Q/R/W station

Southern woman: Oh! Are you a performer?
Chick: Yes, I’m studying acting and musical theater.
Southern woman: Wow! That’s so amazing! Maybe we’ll see you on Broadway one of these days! Good luck!
Chick: Thanks!

She leaves the train.

Southern woman: Yeah, right. Ha, ha, ha!

–1 train

Old man: Is that a theater?
Old woman: No, it’s a McDonalds.

–42nd between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Adam Grosswirth

I’m Considering Getting Out of Sales

Freezing passerby: It’s so cold! I wish they sold hot chocolate out here.
Yo-yo purveyor: Yeah… You wanna buy a yo-yo? Ah, that shit won’t keep you warm.

–Rockefeller Center

English Is Shaky, Too

Girl #1: I thought that sign said rape instead of rapaya.
Girl #2: It’s papaya, moron.
Girl #1: I don’t speak Spanish that well!

–32nd & 7th

Rick James is Spinning in His Grave

Guy: I said, “I hate to break it to you, but I’m straight.” And she said, “If you like girls, don’t introduce yourself as Jeremy. It’s a nice name.” And I said, “I’m not interested in girls like that. I like the superfreaks.”

–Belly, LES

Someone’s Got S-E-X on His Mind

Guy: You need a new mattress? Why not call 1-800-M-A-T-T-R-E-S?
Girl: Ha, ha! Nah.
Guy: Then there’s gotta be some local places. You should be able to get a mattress for $100.

–40th & 7th

Straightlines without Punchlines

Young woman: You need to get a car so you can take my kitty cat to the vet.

–Starbucks, 71st & Broadway

Overheard by: Zvi Mowshowitz

Super-size Me, Mr. Bond

Daughter: You’re always humming that McDonalds song.
Mother: Huh?
Daughter: You know…”da da da da da I’m loooovin’ it.”
Mother: No, honey. Goldfinger. *Ba ra ba rum*
Daughter: Oh.

–Central Park

Tourists Tsouris

Chick: I get in the cab and in five seconds Billy’s got his hands and nose pressed against the glass. And I’m like, stop that! That’s not funny. They’ll think we’re fucking tourists. They’ll take us like the longest fucking way from here. They think we’re fucking tourists. You are not excited by the Brooklyn Bridge! Or the Statue of Liberty!

–Lafayette St.

One Year Later

This past week the first anniversary of this site went quietly by. Wow, has it really been a year already? Yes, it has. We just said so. Please pay attention. We hope that the site has made you laugh, or caused you to look over your shoulder before speaking.

We wanted to take this moment to thank our readers, especially those who contribute, and our non-readers, especially those who provide our fodder. This site wouldn’t be here without the help of friendly ears. If you heard anything, do take the time to send it in.

We also wanted to announce that due to the great influx of submissions, starting tomorrow we’re going to be posting twice daily for as long as possible. Onward and upward, as we once overheard someone say.

–The Overheard In New York Staff, NYC

Non-sequitur theater

Businessman: It wasn’t the Buddhist philosophy that I objected to. I objected to the fact that they wanted my therapist’s signature.

–Flatiron district

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