Mom: Zacky! Where your ass at?
Small boy: Nowhere.
Mom: Yeah it is!
–Times Square
Mom: Zacky! Where your ass at?
Small boy: Nowhere.
Mom: Yeah it is!
–Times Square
Mom: Why don’t you go and help your uncle fix the car?
Young girl: Excuse me… I’m not a screwdriver and I’m not a mechanic.
–Astoria
Mother: Are you sure you want to eat that?
Daughter: Mom! Do you know how that makes me feel? You know how you feel when I make fun of your hair. Now compound that by a hundred. I have a Ph.D. and a fat ass. It’s who I am.
Mother: You make fun of my hair?
–Cafe, MoMA
Overheard by: nothing wrong with her hair
Little boy: That’s not art!
Mom: Shhh… some people think so.
Little boy: Nope, not art.
–Whitney Museum, 5th floor
Overheard by: didn’t think it was art either
Young boy, singing: I love you! You love me! We’re as happy as two can be!
Mother: I’ll show you how much I fucking love you!
–D train, Fordham Rd
Overheard by: horrified
Girl: But I don’t wanna be a geisha.
Mother: We’ll talk about it when we get home.
–55th between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Chris Evans
Mother, pointing at poster: Now, who has a hat?
Toddler: Keith Richards.
Mother: Yes, Keith Richards has a hat. Good observation!
–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope
Little girl: Christmas is next!
Mother: No, first is Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.
Little girl: And then we die!
–Tea Lounge, Park Slope
Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass.
–Astoria Blvd
Overheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim
Runners-Up:
· “A Little ‘Piece’ of Heaven” – Mistress Squidia
· “And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven…” – smo
· “Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit.” – Paul Nielsen
· “From Rear to Eternity” – ilemanzer
· “Heaven i’taint.” – Lee
· “Holy Shit” – lounamaa
· “I Don’t Think That’s What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: ‘I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'” – Jenny
· “Must Be a ZoroASStrian” – John P.
· “Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau” – steph
· “Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You’re Led to Believe in Church.” – J.C.
· “Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?” – kelynsh
Yuppie woman #1: I just couldn’t believe it. Just because I give my child everything he wants and asks for, she has the nerve to tell me that I’m giving my son a sense of entitlement.
Yuppie woman #2: I can’t believe she said that.
Yuppie woman #1: Yeah. The nerve!
–Downtown 2 train, Fulton St
