[Class is conjugating Japanese verbs in the “to make someone or let someone” form.]Student #1: To make someone eat.
Student #2: To make someone sit.
Student #3: To make someone forget. [Beat, then in English.] Wait, how can you make someone forget something?
Japanese teacher, totally serious: Bourne Identity.
–Japanese Class, Columbia University
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Man: What’d you think?
Woman: Just another story about how guys can’t keep their golden horns in their pants.
Man: We can’t help it if our golden horns start to glow whenever we get near a vagina cave.
Woman: Don’t ever let me hear you say that again.
–Leaving IMAX Theatre After Beowulf, Lincoln Sqaure
Overheard by: The Professor
Dude: Oh hey: Love Actually. Have you ever seen this movie?
Chick: No. [Pauses and looks at the movie he is holding.] Oh, yes. Yes, I have.
Dude: You know, you always answer “no” first. No matter what I ask, you always answer “no” and then change your answer to “yes” when you actually realize what I said. You can actually think about the question before you answer, you know. The outcome would be the same.
–Barnes & Noble
Chick #1: I saw A Clockwork Orange this weekend.
Chick #2: What’d you think?
Chick #1: Um… [Long pause.] British men are hot.
–Barnes & Noble
Dumb girl: Oh my god! I just can’t concentrate …I need a bag of chips in order to listen to you.
Bimbette: Except I just had sex in the movie theater.
Dumb girl: Really!? What did you watch?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Este
Professor, matter of factly: In next week’s film you will see a cock. And it will ejaculate. I hope that’s okay with you all.
–Cantor Film Center, NYU
Professor: I guess I can’t trust you guys to write papers on something scandalous. Good thing I brought a pornographic film for later.
–Manhattan Campus, Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Norma Desmond
Contracts professor: So do you think Paris Hilton is a sucker?
–Brooklyn Law School
Professor to class, as he writes on board: …Moro Islamic Liberation Front, known for its acronym. [A few students get it and laugh.]
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Krisztina one of the first to laugh
Professor: On this index card I’d like you all to write your name and major, as well as your career fantasies. I say career fantasies because when you graduate I’ll see you paying off your loans working at the kwik-e-mart.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Erum
Korean professor: Here’s how you calculate the intercept shit…
–NYU
English professor: You will find that English critical theory is the key to understanding not only literary perspectives, but also everything on YouTube.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: sromeo
Tourist girl #1: You know that movie Juno? Is it named after “Ju-no”, like, “You know?”…”Ju-no”?
Tourist girl #2: I think it’s her name.
Tourist girl #1: Oh… Ok.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily
20-something dude #1: I saw that fucking movie No Country for Old Men yesterday.
20-something dude #2: Did you like it?
20-something dude #1: It was a low-budget piece of shit. I like quality movies. Like National Treasure – Book of Secrets. That was a great fucking movie!
–4 Train
Guy: So I watched The Godfather last night.
Girl: Was it good?
Guy: It was awesome! It was like a better Grand Theft Auto.
–Metro North
Thug: Yo, you saw that “Pirates of the Caribbean”?
Suit: Yeah.
Thug, laughing hysterically: That part where they’re on the boats?
Suit: Yeah…
Thug: I’m just sayin’, it was funny though.
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: I laughed, I cried…
