Buddy #1: Did you see Forest Whitaker’s speech at the Golden Globes? He won Best Actor. I’m almost positive he was on crystal meth. He was, like, stuttering and his eyes were tearing up.
Buddy #2: Maybe he was emotional ’cause he won the award.
Buddy #1: [Long, reflective pause] Yeah… Maybe that, too.
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: Wubba
20-something girl with mom, hands full: Could you hit One for me?
Man, pushing button: You’re welcome.
20-something girl: Oh! Thank you.
Man: Learn some manners.
20-something girl: Man, I’d tell you to fuck yourself if my mom wasn’t with me.
–20th St & 1st Ave
Construction worker #1: Braille really trips me out.
Construction worker #2: I know. Me, too.
Construction worker #1: Do you think they have different fonts?
–21st St & Park Ave
Girl #1: So, I met a boy this weekend who isn’t an asshole drug dealer, for a change.
Girl #2: But he’s a drug dealer?
Girl #1: Who isn’t?
Girl #2: Um… me?
Girl #1: No. He’s not a drug dealer.
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant he’s a drug dealer, just not an asshole one.
–23rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jackattack
Chipper male hairstylist: Hi! Did you miss me?
Female hairstylist, intense: I thought about you every day…
Chipper male hairstylist: You know I’m gay, right?
–34th & Lex
Overheard by: Snidely
Girl to friend: I don’t know, I’m looking for the right guy to take my virginity.
Hobo: Girl, you ain’t a virgin! Butt-sex does too count!
–34th & 3rd
Thug: Hey, Ma, you are one fine piece of ass. What do you like in a man?
Chick: I’ll tell you what I don’t like: fat mothafuckas calling me ‘Ma.’
–23rd & Lex
Overheard by: Renee
Old man #1: You know, if someone offered me a joint at a party, I wouldn’t refuse it.
Old man #2: Yeah, I know what you mean.
–23rd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Lex
Dude #1: You know gay guys can’t be part of the Army?
Dude #2: Nah, man. That’s grimy. Why would they deny gay people like that for?
Dude #1: Well, lesbians are allowed to serve, just not male lesbians.
Dude #2: Dude, male lesbians are straight guys, aren’t they?
Dude #1: Oh, my bad. I meant gay guys. Yeah, gay guys.
Dude #2: Why can’t gay guys be in the Army?
Dude #1: ‘Cause they’re afraid straight guys will beat the shit out of them.
Dude #2: Well, why don’t they have, like, a separate battalion for them, you know what I’m saying?
Dude #1: Dude, that’s segregation. That’s illegal.
Dude #2: Isn’t it segregation by not allowing them to be part of the Army?
Dude #1: Word. That’s mad deep.
–E23rd St & Lex
Overheard by: Lisa
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
