Old Man: He tried to sell me 3 batteries for $47.
Old Lady: Who?
Old Man: Satan.
Old Lady: …what size?
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Jeremey Foster
Old Man: He tried to sell me 3 batteries for $47.
Old Lady: Who?
Old Man: Satan.
Old Lady: …what size?
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Jeremey Foster
Girl, 14: I can’t imagine laying next to him in bed. He’d have to bring a GPS device.
Boy, 14: Yeah, how to get from point A to point B.
–6 train
Lesbian: Whatever, we can break up, I don’t care. You were only good for sex and Scrabble. The sex wasn’t even good and I can play Scrabble online.
–6 train
Overheard by: Tom V
Construction worker: …it was like, the biggest skull ever found or
some shit.
–44th & Madison
Teenage girl: I failed the math test so I told Ma I ain’t gonna graduate in June. I ain’t gotta do anything but stay black and die.
–6 train
Guy on cell: …no, not her. A new chick…Yeah, man, yeah. You know me; I’m anally ambitious. I’m gonna be in her like a gerbil.
–M72 bus
Overheard by: Alexandra
Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?
Man #2: The what?
Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?
Man #2: Oh! Ha ha…yeah, finally.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Marco Formosa
Hobo: Did you hear about Michael Jackson’s delivery service? It’s called Boyz 2 Men!
Schlub: This guy’s good!
–1/9 train
Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey
Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Teenage Girl #1: How much longer?
Teenage Girl #2: I think 3 more stops, then we get the L train.
Teenage Girl #1: You kidding me? It’s taking forever, I feel like we’re in Connecticut!
–C train
Hippiechick: You can’t hug your child with nuclear arms.
–F Train
Overheard by: Erica Bergin
Guy: …it’s like…you can’t hug your child with nuclear arms!
–Bubba Gump’s, Times Square
Drunk tourist flirt: It was verrry nice meeting you all, and I hope to see you all again real soon! [Shakes hands with local teens, then leaves.]Local teen, to friends: Yo, she wanna fuck e’rybody!
–4 train
Overheard by: Not Me
Headline by: VeggieGirl
Runners-Up:
· “As If We Need to Import That or Something” – gib
· “I Went to NY and All I Got Was Bukkake” – Ken H.
· “Reader Survey: Britney, Paris, or Lindsey? Vote Now!” – Fleetline
· “She Ran Out Of Folks to Fuck Back in Iowa.” – Redneck Jedi
· “Southern Hospitality Is the Shizzle” – The Heiress
Yuppie chick: Remember when I showed you that e-mail and it was like one big nervous laugh? He was talking like that, a mile a minute, and I asked, “Are you supercaffeinated?” “No,” he said, he gave up coffee. And he’s like, “So, what are you doing?” And he invited me out to MoMA with Sara, his girlfriend. How awkward would I be? So I basically bailed at that point. So he’s like, “The next time we’re in the city is the 29th for the opera.”
–D train
