Girl: Oh that dude? He was so bangable!
Guy: Don’t say that. You’re ten.
Girl: Eleven!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: LaurenAH
Girl: Oh that dude? He was so bangable!
Guy: Don’t say that. You’re ten.
Girl: Eleven!
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: LaurenAH
Teen boy: Well, I tend to write more sloppily.
Teen girl: Sloppily!? Is that even a word?
Teen boy: It’s an adverb.
Teen girl: Yes, but I said, “Is that even a word?”
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh outloud
Headline by: Liz-a-saurus
Runners-Up:
· “I Can’t Keep up. It’s Like English Has a Different Word For Everything” – john
· “Another Blow to the Adverb Civil Rights Campaign” – Susan
· “It Depends on What Your Definition of ‘Is’ Is…” – NTM
· “Only For Handwriting and Prostitution” – scott
· “Right After That, he Prepositioned Her” – Brik
· “She Gave up on School to Focus on Getting Pregnant” – ak
· “That White Flag You See Is From the Makers of Schoolhouse Rock” – Amanda
· “Wait, I Didn’t Understand. I Had Your Dick in my Ear.” – JBunny
· “Well at Least You’ve Got Great Tits” – Peter
· “You Sure Ask a Lot of Questions For Someone With no Forehead” – weston
Girl #1: Why don’t you just email me?
Girl #2: Oh, let me guess: hotmail? You look like you use hotmail!
Girl #1: Yahoo…Wait, was that a come-on?
–R train
Overheard by: Michael
Girl #1: Yeah, there’s fucking nothing worse than seeing your parents have sex.
Girl #2: Your grandparents having sex, dude.
Girl #1: Or, like, two really, really fat people.
–R train
Passenger: There’s something wrong at the UN so I have to go in and fix it.
–F train, Carroll St
Overheard by: confused grad student
Ghetto teen reveals bottle of liquor stashed in plastic bag.
Ghetto teen #1: Yo, that shit burns your esophagus, but it tastes so good.
Ghetto teen #2: Nah, son, alcohol burns your liver.
Ghetto teen #1: No! Your esophagus!
Ghetto teen #2: No, your liver…Wait, is esophagus another word for liver?
–7 train
Little girl, pointing to an ad depicting peanut butter and banana on
bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at the ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food…You wouldn’t like it.
–Downtown B train
Headline by: Maniac Moll
Runners-Up:
· “愚かなアメリカ人” – Oog Oog
· “1 Billion Americans Couldn’t be Wrong” – Moze
· “50,000 Elvis Fans Discover They Like Raw Fish” – ED
· “And Why Don’t We Like Chinese Food? That’s Right, ‘Cause They Bombed Pearl Harbour” – Brendan
· “Choosey Moms Choose Eel and Avocodo” – PJ
· “Don’t Tell Me What I Like, You Chink Bitch” – Bevan
· “If You Eat the Wrong Part, You Become a Gorilla” – devin the artist
· “It’s Only Chinese if the Banana Is Small” – Oren K
· “Mommy, it Looks so Much Like Daddy’s Cock Coming Out of Your Asshole.” – Extra Character
· “New Study Finds Confusion Prevents Childhood Obesity” – Booters
· “Technically, Honey, It’s Sashimi” – ED
Teenage girl #1: Oh my God, I forgot to tell you! I lost my fake ID!
Teenage girl #2: Shit! Your mom’s gonna kill you!
–G train
Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn’t afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn’t afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]
–Uptown E train
Conductor: This is an express, uptown C train. You heard right: an express C train. Next stop: 125th Street. If you need local service on the Upper West Side, please transfer across the platform to the D, as in “Daddy done did it” or B, as in “bad boy Bobby Brown” train.
–C train, 59th St
Conductor: This is a Brooklyn bound B train. Like bitch.
–B train
Conductor: We are currently being held in the station because of some other A train fucking us all over.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: la di da
Conductor: Never give up on life. Keep hope alive. This is 30th Avenue.
–N train, Astoria
Overheard by: trying to shake off a Red Lobster feast
Conductor: Thank you for riding the C train and remember: smile and the world smiles with you.
–C train
Overheard by: NYGirlieGirl
Conductor: You can switch to the A train across the platform. However, I would much rather you stay on this train.
–Downtown C train, 14th St
Overheard by: alxie
Conductor: This train is very crowded. If you cannot fit, please step back and wait for the next train. If you manage to get onto this very crowded train, look at the person next to you and tell them, “Howdy!”
–Queens bound F train
Conductor: Step in and stand clear of the good news.
–F train, 34th St
Overheard by: prairiesquid
Conductor: Hello, and welcome to the mobile sauna bath.
–A train
Overheard by: english dude
Conductor: This is 175th Street. This is an A train to…This is an A train to… to nothing! Hey, does anyone know where we’re going?
–A train, 175th St
Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl
Conductor: All right, there’s a 3 train across the platform. Hurry up and make your connection, people. Get to steppin’, get to steppin’!
–1 train, Times Square
Conductor, angrily: Yo, stand clear o’ the closing doors o’ my choo-choo!
–PATH train
