Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
–Crowded 3 train
Preppy girl to friend: I vote to ban fat people from trains. [Woman nearby throws angry look.] Just at rush hour! [Woman mutters under her breath.] Local-only chub train?
–Crowded 3 train
Loud girl: Ugh! It smells like vagina in here!
Embarrassed friend: Shhh! You’re so loud!
Loud girl: No, seriously. It fucking smells on this train. It smells like a big, sweaty fucking vagina.
Embarrassed friend: It’s not that bad.
Loud girl: Yes, yes it is. Those train doors are the hole, and now we’re standing in a loose, flappy, smelly vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: it did smell
Drunk man: Hey, is this Penn Station?
Woman: No, this is Grand Central. It’s hard to get from the East side to the West side.
Drunk man: Yeah, it’s exactly like being in Hell.
–Grand Central
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you!
–LIRR
Dude #1: That restaurant across the street must be amazing. There’s always a crowd outside. Is it really that good?
Dude #2: No. It’s a bus stop.
–65th & Central Park West
Chick: So, I went over to tell the guy to stop masturbating on the subway–
Dude, interrupting: –Wait, he had it out?!
Chick: Yeah, he had it out! And he called me a fascist for telling him to stop!
–4th & 6th
Lady on cell: … And now I find out that I’m living a double life.
–Waverly & 6th
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Fake blonde: Just get it. You only live once a year.
–Food Emporium
Overheard by: jason
Conductor: Because of construction this train will be making express stops. The MTA reminds all passengers that to better serve our customers construction will be going on for the rest of your lives.
–F train, Jay St/Borough Hall
Overheard by: Robert
Man to teary-eyed daughter: What’s not important? A camel. What is important? Our lives.
–Starbucks, 42nd St
Overheard by: burnsides
Intercom hijacker #1 playing rap music: All aboard, all aboard…
Intercom hijacker #2: I wanna give a shout-out to my nigga, Antoine…
Intercom hijacker #1: And my nigga Ruiz…
Conductor: If you do not get off this intercom, I will have you arrested at the next stop!
Intercom hijacker #1: Whatever, nigga. Y’all on this train can suck a dick.
Intercom hijacker #2: Y’all can die.
Intercom hijacker #1: Yeah. Y’all can die… on a dick.
–6 train
Overheard by: pberg
Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Amy D M
Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!
–Barcade, Williamsburg
Overheard by: champ
Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.
–W 13th St
Overheard by: Lauren L
Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!
–PS 8, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Mona
Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!
–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Bus driver: This bus is making all the same stops as the subway. This bus is the train! This bus is the train! Choo-choo!
–Bus running as the 7 train
Bus driver: Step on in. Step on in. Tropical palm trees in the back.
–Q101 bus, 59th & 2nd
Overheard by: marerod
Bus driver, about blonde cop crossing street: Christie Brinkley there is looking to lock someone up so she can make detective next week.
–B75 bus, Brooklyn
Bus driver: Everybody sliiide to the left… Sliiide to the right… One hop this time!
–B44 bus
Overheard by: steph
Ballin’ driver: Dem tips are not just for the ride, they fo’ the looks. Much love!
–LaGuardia shuttle bus
Overheard by: Alex
Bus driver: Utopia!
–Q46 bus
Bus driver: Attention ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is Fifth Avenue. Please have your passports ready for inspection.
–79th St Crosstown Bus
