Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.
–110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alexandra
Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.
–110th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Alexandra
Man #1: My dog puked twice last night.
Man #2: Just twice?
–Houston & Hudson
Overheard by: Frank M
Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo’ mouth!
–Uptown 6 Train
Jiu-Jitsu student #1: Have you seen my new gloves? Well, they are less of hit gloves and more being hit gloves.
Jiu-Jitsu student #2: You put them on your face?
–Jiu-Jitsu Dojo, Manhattan
Dumb tourist: Excuse me, am I heading toward the Empire State Building?
New Yorker: No, you're in Brooklyn!
Dumb tourist: So… Does that mean I'm really far off?
–Park Slope
Large black guy #1: Wait, you don’t have your permit yet?
Large black guy #2: Nigga, that ain’t my fault. You know I can drive, but the written test fucked me up.
Large black guy #1: I thought you said it was the easiest shit ever.
Large black guy #2: No, it is. I took it in five minutes. But the last question was “if there’s an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck behind you, who do you let by first?”
Large black guy #1: That’s easy. It’s the –
Large black guy #2: Lemme finish. So I put the ambulance right, because some nigga be dying back there. But it turns out the answer is the postal truck because it’s federal property and you can’t mess with the feds.
Large black guy #1: That’s some stupid shit right there. Some nigga be dying in the back. Stupid feds. You know, the police can get you now for saying the n-word? They can give you a ticket and shit.
Large black guy #2: That ain’t right, nigga. I’m black and I will act accordingly.
–2 Train
Chick #1: That was kinda fun last night.
Chick #2: What, being a sober tool?
(pause)
Chick #1: Yeah.
–Metro North
Guy: So people ask me, “What am I?”, and I say, “Firstly, I’m a person and an American.” It’s such a contextual paradox. I just can’t explain it.
Girl: Huh?
Guy: I just said I can’t explain it, it’s a contextual paradox.
–N train
