Wednesday One-Liners Report to Hindquarters

Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo’ dick right now.

–Dense crowd, 4th & 6th

Overheard by: jealous?

Guy to friends: I’m not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.

–26th & 8th

Large black man: I’m grabbin’ booties, so all y’all better move outta my way!

–37th & 7th

Overheard by: daniel

Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an’ call me Mary Poppins…

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: Mitorizu

Dude: My ass likes to eat things.

–76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hew, the bird

Suit: Now there’s an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!

–Time Square

Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don’t show your butts to men — cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.

–6 train

Overheard by: Zavreio

Posted on March 28, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Food, Movies, Penis, Religion, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Clearly, I’m Hanging Out in the Wrong Places

Bimbette #1: Oh my god, shamans are, like, so in right now!
Bimbette #2: Really?!
Bimbette #1: Yeah! Like, every day I wake up and it’s like, shaman-this and shaman-that.

–50th & 6th

Posted on March 22, 2007
Bimbettes, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pop Culture, Religion

He Was Never ‘Just Saying,’ and He Never Called ‘No Homo’

Youth #1: Man, I’m just jokin’.
Youth #2: Yeah, but every joke has some truth in it.
Youth #1: Where’d you hear that? Who said it?
Youth #2: I don’t know… Confucius.
Youth #1: Confucius didn’t say that! Confucius didn’t make jokes! He was a serious dude!

–Queens-bound F train

Overheard by: jb

Posted on March 18, 2007
On the Subway, Places, Religion, Rumor Has It, Topics

That One Paid the Most

White guy: So, you are an artist now?
Weird-looking JAP: Yeah.
White guy: Weren’t you a musician just a month ago?
Weird-looking JAP: Yes.
White guy: What the fuck is going on?
Weird-looking JAP: I believe in this religion that asks me to experience my life with different professions.
White guy: So, what were you before you were a musician?
Weird-looking JAP: I was homeless.

–Houston & MacDougal

Overheard by: ting

Posted on February 9, 2007
Homeless, JAPs, Jobs & Careers, Religion, The Village, White People

And She’s the Only One Who Knows for Sure

Jewish guy: Are you Jewish?
Hot blonde shiksa: No… But my hairdresser is!

–Brooklyn College campus

Overheard by: Mars

Posted on December 21, 2006
Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Jews, Religion, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

They Told Me That

Son: Today someone in class called me a ‘Jew.’
Drunk dad: Did you tell them your dad’s Presbyterian and your mom’s a bitch?

–42nd & 8th

Posted on December 16, 2006
Boys, Dads, Insults, Religion

Sorry, No, My Parents Are Raising Me Rational

Kindergarten girl #1: Wow! Look at all those big trophies!
Kindergarten girl #2: Those ain’t trophies. There’s dead people there. Yeah, you know — you go to church, you pray, and they put the dead person in the box, and they put the box in there. Don’t you go to church?

–On school bus passing a cemetery, Queens

Posted on December 1, 2006
Death, Etiquette, Kids, On the Bus, Religion

I Have People Who Do that for Me

Pope: So you said 300 percent return?
Bee: Definitely, man — 300 percent!
Pope: So I’ll have my people call your people.
Bee: Yeah, let’s have our people talk.
Pope: My people will totally be in touch with your people, man.
Bee: Okay, dude. Then let’s get high.

–Halloween party, Brooklyn

Posted on November 26, 2006
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Business and Commerce, Holidays, Insects, Money & Class, Parades & Festitivites, People, Places, Religion, Stoners, Topics, Venues

No, Universal Affirmatives Can Only Be Partially Converted

Black kid, pointing to a Hasidic Jewish man: Yo, check out the Amish dude!
Mother: He ain’t Amish, they wear straw hats.
Black kid: But he’s got a beard. Amish guys got beards. So he’s Amish.

–Uptown 4 train

Overheard by: jewish girl

Posted on November 4, 2006
Black People, Kids, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Religion, Stupidity

Religion