Woman #1 after Wicked raffle: Ugh, I can’t believe we didn’t win. It really sucks.
Woman #2: I know, I’m totally bummed out.
Woman #1: Well, that one woman, like, really deserved to win because it was her birthday.
Woman #2: And the rest of them were pretty good-looking, too.
Woman #1: Well, just as long as none of them were, like, ugly. I guess then it’s okay.
Woman #2: Yeah, most of them were pretty hot. I’d do them.
–50th & Broadway
Overheard by: T.M.
Late-20s chick #1: I wish I was 22 again so I could just have random sex with some guy.
Late-20s chick #2: Yeah, me too… Me, too…
–Beer Line, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Still Pretending to be 22
Angry guy: I can’t believe they put up fucking scaffolding on my building!
Friend: What’s the big deal?
Angry guy: Once they put it up, it never comes down. And you never see anyone ever working on it.
Friend: It’s just scaffolding. Dude, you need to get laid.
–5th Ave & 12th St
Intellectual #1: So, what’s the problem?
Intellectual #2: She gets all pouty when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Intellectual #1: Ugh, that’s the worst. I hate that.
Intellectual #2: Well, pouty doesn’t really bother me so much as long as you can fuck it out of them, you know? I just don’t think I can be with a chick if I can’t fuck her and make her forget whatever it is she’s upset with me about.
–Bar 89, Mercer St
Overheard by: Fox
Guy #1: Taking family members on a sex safari is not a good idea.
Guy #2: It was hardly a sex safari, idiot. I just took my brother to a massage parlor.
–Broadway & Canal
Model: My agency is the only place where I feel at home, ’cause none of the men want to fuck me.
Friend: What about at Christmas with your family?
Model: Nope.
–Union Square
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD
Court officer #1: I saw this show on Animal Planet last night. There’s this fish called a cichlid — the female takes her eggs in her mouth and then she nibbles the male’s fin until he shoots sperm into her mouth and then she swallows it to fertilize her eggs.
Court officer #2: Where can I get one of these cichlids?
–Livingston & Smith, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Queer #1: I can’t believe he did that.
Queer #2: What? If you wanted me to pee on you, I would. That’s how much I love you.
–Greenwich Ave & Perry
Overheard by: John
