Sex

Chubby girl: I don’t do well with fingers in my ass, but I’m pretty good with balls in my mouth. I’ll tell you a story, but if it gets too personal just tell me to stop.
Nerdy boy: Alright.
Chubby girl: I was at Jason’s house, and, mind you, we were in an awkward position — kind of half-sitting, half-laying down — but it’s always awkward when you’re half asleep, you know? Well, we started kissing, and then my negligee fell down. It literally fell down below my breasts. And Jason was like, ‘I don’t know if I’m comfortable with your toplessness…’

–6 train

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.

–Fashion District

Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.

–78th St & 37th Ave

Overheard by: Jillian

Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!

–2 train

Overheard by: Macaire

Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Overheard by: Jay

Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!

–2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: wishing i did soaps

Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.

–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium

Overheard by: did he get a receipt?

Girl #1: I looove Mexican food.
Girl #2: Me, too… just not people ordering it while they’re having sex with me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Chick pointing to friend wearing Nike Air Force Ones: Girl, I can’t believe you had rough sex in those shoes!
Guy passerby: That shit’s disgusting! That girl’s disgusting!

–42nd & Broadway

Guy on cell: I finally figured out why I have no sons — no woman will sleep with me.

–Penn Station

Computer geek: I was leveling up my Wizard… Man, I’m never going to have sex.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Irbs

Loud NYU chick on cell: So, there was this guy there that kept announcing he needed to get laid… Yeah, I know. And I’m thinking, ‘Dude, you don’t let the world know you need to get laid, you just get laid,’ you know what I mean? I mean, I need to get laid, too, but I’m not letting the world know that!

–Au Bon Pain, E 8th St

Black lady on cell: … So the doctor says, ‘Tell me about your sex life.’ I told him, ‘I don’t have a sex life. I hate everyone.’

–6 train

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.

–Angelika Film Center

Overheard by: queer_number_3

Dude #1: So, you want to hear about my trip to Miami?
Dude #2: Yeah, why not — just let me order a bottle of J.D. first, then it will get really interesting!
Dude #1: Yeah, fuck Miami, let’s get dead drunk and plan a murder.
Dude #2: Seriously, who do you have to fuck to get drunk around here?

–Double Seven Bar, 418 W 14th St

Thug #1: Yeah, me too. I get so much pussy… Sometimes I’m too tired to even fuck ’em all.
Thug #2: Nigga, you gay.

–M4 bus stop, 110th St & Amsterdam

Overheard by: High LiferforLife

Pimp: The New Game from Electronic Arts

Dude #1: You have to make a decision — between the girls you want to fuck, the girls you want to kill, and the girls you want to marry.
Dude #2: Yeah…

–East Houston