Cashier: That comes out to $5.50.
[Man hands cashier a $5 with a hole in it.]Cashier: Uh, do you have anything better? You know without a hole in it?
Man: Naw, I got mad at it so I shot it.
Cashier: Ah, totally understandable.
–McDonald’s, Bronx
Cashier: That comes out to $5.50.
[Man hands cashier a $5 with a hole in it.]Cashier: Uh, do you have anything better? You know without a hole in it?
Man: Naw, I got mad at it so I shot it.
Cashier: Ah, totally understandable.
–McDonald’s, Bronx
Teen thug #1: This weekend, I’m goin’ huntin’.
Teen thug #2: You goin’ kill Bambi?
Teen thug #1: Yeahhh, I’ll shoot that nigga!
–Staten Island Projects
Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.
–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St
Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.
–Outside Coney Island Freak Show
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!
–PATH train
Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th
Overheard by: Heather
Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.
–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Little boy: I saw Bambi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bambi’s mother died?
Black nanny: I didn’t know that. How did she die?
Little boy: She was shot.
Black nanny: Damn. That’s some Compton shit right there.
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: flower and thumper were strapped
Young mom to daughter: Rock, paper, scissors means rock, paper, scissors — no guns!
–R train, City Hall
Guy on cell: Where are you? It sounds noisy… Where? Oh, Magnolia… Well, just shoot them all before they breed more little cupcake-eating fuckers.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Barker for "Shoot the Freak" carnival game, to biking couple: Hey! You with the bikes! You support alternative modes of transportation, but do you support shooting people in the freakin’ head?! Step right up!
–Coney Island
Hipster on cell: You just hate me… No, ‘Get shotgun for raccoon’ was first on your errands list, and you ignored it!
–N train
Crazy substitute calculus professor: You cannot square infinity. Anyone who tries to square infinity will be shot. That’s a promise.
–NYU Silver Center
Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! Look at the cars! Shoot the cars!
Dad, making finger-gun: Bang, bang, bang, bang!
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: NYU girl
Tree-hugger #1: So, this dumb girl didn’t even know what the ACLU was…
Tree-hugger #2: Did you take her outside and shoot her?
–33rd & 5th
Girl on first date: I love animals.
Guy on first date: I love animals, too, but I see a snake and I’ll shoot it in the face.
–Union Square
Young man to lady: So, Anthony told me you got machine gun titties…?
–42nd St station
Overheard by: interested
Crazy lady waving cane at laughing skateboarder: That’s right! Run for your life, motherfucker! I’m on a hunt! And you’re the prey!
–Outside Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Sputnik5
Ghetto chick: … And then I got caught on a gun charge because my boyfriend pistol-whipped me when I was pregnant and I took the gun and chased him down the street with it. And you know that drug bust in far Rockaway last year? That shit was me! Haha… And my lawyer got me five years probation and now jail time — he took care of me, ya know? And he was a Jew… You know them Jews — all into they money and shit.
–E train
Little boy on scooter: I believe I can fly! I just got shot by the FBI!
–Lex & Broadway
Man, about freestyling partner: He was like the Mexican version of 50 Cent, ‘cept his name was 537 pesos, and he don’t need no gun — all he gots is his burrito and a hot dog.
–D train, from Coney Island
Overheard by: jennievil
High school girl to her friend: If she didn’t show up for the shooting, she is not going to show up for the bomb scare.
–F train
Crazy black guy: Yeah, man. You gotta get ’em while you far away so they don’t know who you is! Just pop! Gone.
Hobo: Yeah!
Crazy black guy: Man, I’d love to kill a man from far away!
Hobo: Haha!
–23rd & Park Ave South
Overheard by: lady v
