Guy: Hey, I’m lookin’ for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don’t fuckin’ read. I’m just lookin’ for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I’m smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche.
–Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd
Guy #1: Hey, don't I know you?
Guy #2: No, I don't think so.
Guy #1: Yeah, yeah. I know you. (takes out cell phone) Your sister's in my top five.
Guy #2: Ashley?!
–Toys 'R Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lee
Salesguy #1: Dude, I think I smell or something…
Salesguy #2: You smell like the robust combination of onions and poop.
–The Puma Store, Broadway & Spring
Overheard by: Jeeps
Rich chick: So now he’s telling me we need a kid. I don’t want one, but he says we can adopt and avoid all the messy stuff.
Friend: So are you going to?
Rich chick: I said I’d consider it if we can get one that’s actually white. You know. ‘Cause you never really know what they’re giving you.
Friend: That’s so true.
–Macy’s
Construction guy: Can’t we move this line a little faster? This line isn’t moving anywhere. What’s with this line?
Lady: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Construction guy: I’m using humor, lady. This is just humor. I’m not serious here. [Gets in front of her in line.]
–4th St
Overheard by: the girl who fainted at Starbucks
Woman shopper to husband: Where's your spirit?
Husband: My spirit is broken.
Woman shopper : So you're saying I broke your spirit?
Husband to another lady shopping: It's okay, you can high-five her!
–Macy's
Geek #1: I mean, who knew that Mickey Rourke could act?
Geek #2: Dude, yeah! I mean, he’s no Steve Guttenberg.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th Street
Black female customer: “Forget it, girl you must be suffering from NIGligence”
– At Au Bon Pain on 37th & 5th, when she just missed the 4-6pm half price baked goods by one minute, and the black female who worked behind the register would not let her buy them for half price
Mom: Oh my god! Why are these things so expensive?
Lil’ boy holding fake jewelry: Hey mommy! You know what I want to be? I want to be a girl.
Mom laughing nervously: Can you believe some of the things these kids say?
–Virgin Beauty Supply
Overheard by: Crystal
Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!
–Columbia University Bookstore
Overheard by: amused bookseller
