Wednesday One-Liners Need a Better Bedside Manner

Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.

–Class, W4th & Mercer

Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.

–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University

Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse

Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?

–Beth Israel Medical Center

Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.

–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: What the…

Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.

–Lexington subway station

Posted on March 30, 2015
Advice, Asshole, Classroom, Creepsters, Health and Hygiene, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, Students, Subway Stations

Oh, the Bridget-Jones-Meets-Paris-Hilton Look

Girl to friend in a mini skirt with her legs open: Katie, close your legs!
Lethargic friend: I don’t care. I am wearing two pairs of tights and granny panties.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: AJ

Posted on March 28, 2015
Clothing, Friends, Girls, NYU, Students

Revelations Is Silent on the Matter

Teacher: What's used to cover a beast?
Student: Underwear?

–Francis Lewis High School

Overheard by: Thank God I'm Not The Beast.

Posted on March 28, 2015
Animals & Nature, Clothing, Fast Times at New York High, Private Parts, Questions, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

A-

Student #1 in an acting class, doing warmup: Buh!
Student #2: Buh!
Student #3: Buh!
Student #4, not paying attention: Huh?

–Shakespeare Workshops, Public Theater

Posted on March 28, 2015
School, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Haven’t Met Most Of Their Friends

Yuppie: I don’t google enough.

–F Train, 7th Ave

Overheard by: imaginexrach

Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!

–NYU Bus

Overheard by: Asian Kid

Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!

–Office on 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: herspace

Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.

–8th St & Broadway

Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on March 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Computer, Facebook, Girls, Google, Internet, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Myspace, NYU, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Students, The Village, Yuppies

She Never Had a…. Wait a Minute!

High school girl #1: My family is full of sluts. My sister just had a baby, my cousin just had a baby, my other sister just had a baby…
High school girl #2: So your mom’s a slut, also?
High school girl #1: Naw, my mom ain’t a slut.

–L train

Posted on March 26, 2015
Babies, Family Ties, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Parents, Promiscuity, Students

I Don't Think That's What Tim Gun Meant

20-something grad student #1: You can't sleep with her! Dude, she's in high school!
20-something grad student #2: Dude, she's 18!
20-something grad student #1: Dude…oh…well… Carry on!

–114th St & Broadway

Overheard by: S.W.

Headline by: S.T.

Runners-Up:
· “Bill Finally Accepted That Ted Would Be Having an Excellent Adventure Without Him” – lex
· “Dude, Her Myspace Page Wouldn’t Lie” – the trayster
· “Ethics Majors Cram for Their Final Exams.” – Sandy Paws
· “If She Can’t Get Into College, at Least College Can Get Into Her.” – Matthew N
· “Plus, There’s the Extra Money for Tutoring Her for the SATs” – Steve
· “Then Why Is She a Sophomore?” – Mikey

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 23, 2015
Age/Aging, Headline Contest Winners, School and studying, Sex, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

…As Seen in Urls Gone Wild.

Middle school boy: Hey, do you like the URLs I got for my project?
Teacher: Yeah, your URLs are sexy!

–Packer Collegiate Institute

Posted on March 20, 2015
Compliments, Internet, Questions, School, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?

Confused student #1: We've only got 1 minute to get to first period.
Confused student #2: What time is it?
Confused student #1, looking at watch: It's 8:01 and class starts at 8:02.
Confused student #2: No, it starts at 8:08. And my watch says it's 7:55.
Confused student #1: Really? I'm so tired I didn't remember.
Confused student #2: Why are you tired?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I woke up on the floor this morning.
Confused student #2: On the floor? Why were you on the floor?
Confused student #1: I don't know. I went to sleep in my bed and woke up on the floor.
Confused student #2: That sucks. I woke up in the bathtub once.
Confused student #1: What would be worse is waking up on the toilet.
Confused student #2: I couldn't imagine that.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Yoteh

Posted on March 19, 2015
Compare/Contrast, On the Subway, Questions, Students, Time, Weirdness

Next Stop: Dorktown

NYU Girl: Have you ever taken the bus?
NYU Guy: No.
NYU Girl: Oh my God! It’s so fun! We should take it!
NYU Guy: Where to?
NYU Girl: I don’t know.

–3rd Avenue and 10th Street

Posted on March 19, 2015
Public Transportation, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Students