Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!
–Lehman College
Overheard by: emm
Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!
–Lehman College
Overheard by: emm
Sociology professor: So, what would you like to learn about this semester?
Student: The legalization of marijuana.
Sociology professor: Okay… [Draws pot leaf on blackboard.] Hm, I’m not much of an artist… Plus, I’m high. Ha, no, I’m just kidding.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Soapnana
Guy: Ma’am, does the split pea with ham soup have wheat in it? I can’t have wheat. Do you know if it has wheat in it?
Soup Lady: Meat? It’s got ham, man! Says so on the sign!
Guy: No, wheat! Wheat?
Soup Lady: Oooh! Lemme check…HEY SAM, DOES THE SPLIT PEA HAVE WHEAT IN IT?
Sam: Meat?
Soup Lady: No, wheat!
Sam: Nah. It don’t have no wheat!
Guy: Okay, good. I’ll have a large cup of the split pea soup.
Soup Lady: Would you like a wheat roll with that?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Overheard by: H J W
Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.
–Class, W4th & Mercer
Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.
–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University
Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse
Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?
–Beth Israel Medical Center
Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.
–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: What the…
Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.
–Lexington subway station
Student #1 in an acting class, doing warmup: Buh!
Student #2: Buh!
Student #3: Buh!
Student #4, not paying attention: Huh?
–Shakespeare Workshops, Public Theater
Teacher: What's used to cover a beast?
Student: Underwear?
–Francis Lewis High School
Overheard by: Thank God I'm Not The Beast.
Yuppie: I don’t google enough.
–F Train, 7th Ave
Overheard by: imaginexrach
Girl on cell: Not being on Facebook is ruining my life!
–NYU Bus
Overheard by: Asian Kid
Assistant on phone, about her 17-year-old daughter’s MySpace page: I find it interesting that she and her friend Shannon have the same friend listed. Some 32-year-old guy in California named Tom!
–Office on 42nd & Madison
Overheard by: herspace
Man: I’m going to go home and e-mail some shameless bitches.
–8th St & Broadway
Grad student at computer, dolefully: Without right-click I just don’t know what to do with the world.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
High school girl #1: My family is full of sluts. My sister just had a baby, my cousin just had a baby, my other sister just had a baby…
High school girl #2: So your mom’s a slut, also?
High school girl #1: Naw, my mom ain’t a slut.
–L train
20-something grad student #1: You can't sleep with her! Dude, she's in high school!
20-something grad student #2: Dude, she's 18!
20-something grad student #1: Dude…oh…well… Carry on!
–114th St & Broadway
Overheard by: S.W.
Headline by: S.T.
Runners-Up:
· “Bill Finally Accepted That Ted Would Be Having an Excellent Adventure Without Him” – lex
· “Dude, Her Myspace Page Wouldn’t Lie” – the trayster
· “Ethics Majors Cram for Their Final Exams.” – Sandy Paws
· “If She Can’t Get Into College, at Least College Can Get Into Her.” – Matthew N
· “Plus, There’s the Extra Money for Tutoring Her for the SATs” – Steve
· “Then Why Is She a Sophomore?” – Mikey
