Boy pushing friend toward bathroom: Hurry! Empty your gizzard!
Girl: You mean my uterus?
–Brooklyn Tech High School
Boy pushing friend toward bathroom: Hurry! Empty your gizzard!
Girl: You mean my uterus?
–Brooklyn Tech High School
Very enthusiastic female undergrad: And there were a bunch of questions on the test about sadomasochism, and I was like, “yes! I know everything!”
–Hunter College
Overheard by: And I'm Paying How Much in Tuition?
Female law student #1: So we get Hannukah off then?
Female law student #2: Well, duh! Fordham’s a Jesuit school.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Jamie L
Boy genius #1: What birds can’t fly?
Boy genius #2: Polar bears.
Boy genius #1: No, polar bears can fly.
–Columbia University
NYU undergrad #1: Last night I heard her like just pee for the first time.
NYU undergrad #2: Yeah, the first time you hear a girl pee for the first time it freaks your shit out!
–Waverly & Washington Square North
Student conducting survey: Would you like to take a survey?
Girl: What's it about?
Student: Well, I can't tell you what it is about, but it only takes three minutes, and if you don't like it, you can stop at any time and still get a . . .
Girl, cutting him off: Okay, but it won't make me want to kill myself like every other survey I take?
–Columbia University, Lerner Hall
Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!
–Lehman College
Overheard by: emm
Sociology professor: So, what would you like to learn about this semester?
Student: The legalization of marijuana.
Sociology professor: Okay… [Draws pot leaf on blackboard.] Hm, I’m not much of an artist… Plus, I’m high. Ha, no, I’m just kidding.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Soapnana
Guy: Ma’am, does the split pea with ham soup have wheat in it? I can’t have wheat. Do you know if it has wheat in it?
Soup Lady: Meat? It’s got ham, man! Says so on the sign!
Guy: No, wheat! Wheat?
Soup Lady: Oooh! Lemme check…HEY SAM, DOES THE SPLIT PEA HAVE WHEAT IN IT?
Sam: Meat?
Soup Lady: No, wheat!
Sam: Nah. It don’t have no wheat!
Guy: Okay, good. I’ll have a large cup of the split pea soup.
Soup Lady: Would you like a wheat roll with that?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Overheard by: H J W
Guy: I can’t wait ’til I am finished with med school and I can start working as pediatric gynecologist.
–Class, W4th & Mercer
Girl watching another use eye drops: Do you need some help with that? I’m pre-med. I’m qualified.
–Butler Library bathroom, Columbia University
Overheard by: dr. getoffyourhighhorse
Girl patient: Oh my god. The cute doctor just took my urine sample. He walked over and asked me for it. God, it’s like, ‘I gave her my heart, she gave me… her urine sample.’ Should we give him my number?
–Beth Israel Medical Center
Chick on cell: Yeah, the doctor stuck his finger up my ass because I can’t shit… Yeah, it hurt. Any ideas I’ve entertained about anal sex are gone.
–12th Ave & Bay Ridge Pkwy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: What the…
Homeless guy: If you need a gyno doctor, my office is in the box around the corner.
–Lexington subway station
