Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: if walls had ears
Boy pushing friend toward bathroom: Hurry! Empty your gizzard!
Girl: You mean my uterus?
–Brooklyn Tech High School
Very enthusiastic female undergrad: And there were a bunch of questions on the test about sadomasochism, and I was like, “yes! I know everything!”
–Hunter College
Overheard by: And I'm Paying How Much in Tuition?
Female law student #1: So we get Hannukah off then?
Female law student #2: Well, duh! Fordham’s a Jesuit school.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Jamie L
Boy genius #1: What birds can’t fly?
Boy genius #2: Polar bears.
Boy genius #1: No, polar bears can fly.
–Columbia University
NYU undergrad #1: Last night I heard her like just pee for the first time.
NYU undergrad #2: Yeah, the first time you hear a girl pee for the first time it freaks your shit out!
–Waverly & Washington Square North
Student conducting survey: Would you like to take a survey?
Girl: What's it about?
Student: Well, I can't tell you what it is about, but it only takes three minutes, and if you don't like it, you can stop at any time and still get a . . .
Girl, cutting him off: Okay, but it won't make me want to kill myself like every other survey I take?
–Columbia University, Lerner Hall
Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!
–Lehman College
Overheard by: emm
Sociology professor: So, what would you like to learn about this semester?
Student: The legalization of marijuana.
Sociology professor: Okay… [Draws pot leaf on blackboard.] Hm, I’m not much of an artist… Plus, I’m high. Ha, no, I’m just kidding.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Soapnana
Guy: Ma’am, does the split pea with ham soup have wheat in it? I can’t have wheat. Do you know if it has wheat in it?
Soup Lady: Meat? It’s got ham, man! Says so on the sign!
Guy: No, wheat! Wheat?
Soup Lady: Oooh! Lemme check…HEY SAM, DOES THE SPLIT PEA HAVE WHEAT IN IT?
Sam: Meat?
Soup Lady: No, wheat!
Sam: Nah. It don’t have no wheat!
Guy: Okay, good. I’ll have a large cup of the split pea soup.
Soup Lady: Would you like a wheat roll with that?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Overheard by: H J W
