Students

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Will Mary Kate Olsen Never Graduate?

Teacher: There is a kind of poison acid found in apple seeds.
Blonde: Is that how Johnny Appleseed died?

–NYU

For Those Who Think High School Boys Have No Taste

Student #1: Hey, look! He has pimples on his tongue!
Student #2: No, idiot, those are taste buds.

–Bard High School Early College

I Heard This Was a Great Party School

Male freshman: You know art really just isn't my passion.
Female freshman, shocked: You're kidding, right?

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Hating Rich People Even More

Money Can't Buy Me Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell: And then she said "dammit, I'm in love with a 52-year-old gay man," and I was like "well, who isn't?"

–Astoria

Overheard by: AnotherFagHag

Man on cell: So I told her, "I missed you more than I loved you," but I didn't mean it in a bad way.

–6th Ave & 17th St

Overheard by: memzilla

Black student to black girl sitting next to him: See that's why niggas don't tell bitches they love 'em!

–St. John's University

Overheard by: naha

Thug on cell: No, no. I love your whole ass as issss.

–Broadway & Beaver

Girl to group of friends: Right, I'm so incapable of love because I think sex is gross!

–LIRR

Hot 20-something to another: Either he acts like he doesn't know me, or he is a total asshole. No wonder I'm in love with him.

–Union Square

Somebody Move That Kid to the Duct Tape Section

Bus driver: Everybody move to the back of the bus!
Middle school student being pushed toward the back, indignantly: Yo, I be like the young male Latino Rosa Parks!

–BX 9 Bus

Overheard by: Scheherazade

Terminal Velocity's for Losers

Student #1: If we spit at the same time they'll hit the rail at the same time.
Student #2: No way! My spit will beat your spit down, no problem!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Joseph Durning

Also Why He Forgot to Put Yeast in the Bread

Professor: And why did Moses lead the Jews out of Egypt?
Student: Because he was stoned.

–NYU

He Was Like, “This Is My Body, Breaded and Fried for You”

AP English teacher: Let's look at how this book can be read as a Christian allegory. The main character, Santiago, was a fisherman. (draws Jesus fish symbol on board) Okay, you all know what this is. So it means that Jesus, like Santiago, was a…?
Confused student: A fish?

–Riverdale

Britney Always Gets “A's” in Sulk and Sarcasm

Physics teacher: Who wants to read problem five?
Girl in front of room: Who wants to drink cyanide for breakfast?

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

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