Girl #1 dressed as 1920s flapper: She was molested by her math teacher when she was a kid and sued for a ton of money.
Girl #2 dressed as 1920s flapper: Why couldn’t I have been molested as child?
Girl #3 dressed as 1920s flapper: Lucky bitch!
–Eat Here Now diner, Lex Ave
Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….
Headline by: bri b
Runners-Up:
· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee
· “Out of her penis.” – Kate
· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr
· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz
Seven-year-old ghetto kid: This is the Earth, yo!
–Earth Science Hall, Museum of Natural History
Dad to seven-year-old son: If you’re gonna steal somethin’, you gotta steal somethin’ you can sell.
–Museum of Natural History gift shop
Overheard by: rufus
Cowboy squinting at museum pamphlet with wife and kids: The Big… Bang? What’s that?
–Museum of Natural History
Child passing the Australopithecus couple: Look, Ma! It’s like you and Dad on your honeymoon!
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Dottie
Employee: Welcome to the Hayden Planetarium. Please turn off your cell phones, digital cameras, and small children.
–Museum of Natural History
Mother: Stop screaming! They can’t hear you!
–Museum of Natural History
Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.
–9th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: rpk
Grunge rocker teen on cell: Oh, yeah, the book A Wrinkle in Time… It’s, like, one of those books they make you read in sixth grade… Yeah, sixth grade. Six… Like, two divided by three — six.
–Q88 bus
Overheard by: Michelle
Coworker chick #1: You ready, spaghetti?
Coworker chick #2: [Silence.]Coworker chick #1: Well?!
Coworker chick #2: Wait, I’m thinking.
Coworker chick #1: Oh, okay.
Coworker chick #2: Like Lawrence Ferlinghetti!
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Anorexic wannabe #1: Ugh, no, ugh… It smells like salt in here! And fat!
Anorexic wannabe #2: Let’s get out of here.
–Chelsea Market, Bowery Kitchen
Overheard by: Rev
Guy: These shoes are so comfortable I can walk in them!
Girl: That could quite possibly be the dumbest shit you have ever said.
–Neptune Ave & Ocean Pkwy
Overheard by: i am that guy
Suit on cell: And I was like, ‘Dude, you should come with us.’ I told her to, like, come and like, have fun with us. I didn’t want her to feel like she’s, like, disintellegent or something…
–LIRR
Overheard by: Call him stupid
Woman on cell: He told me it wasn’t good for the diges– uh… digesticle.
–49th & 11th
Overheard by: alxie
Man: I would like to send this regular post, and I need a confrontation number.
–Post Office, Bed-Stuy Brevoort
Girl: It means super-maker-outer.
–54th & 9th
Hobo: They call it genocide, people. Put that in your laputaters.
–Brookyln-bound R train
Overheard by: what?
PR exec about his new start-up: It’s not exactly rocket scientry. That’s why I can do it.
–Office building, Midtown
Ghetto chick: That dude got no education. I mean, look how he talk!
–1 train
Overheard by: Anna
