Conductor: If you see someone trying to steal from you, make a lot of noise, create a big scene, and I’m sure someone will come to your aid.
Man: Clearly this guy is not from New York. Maybe he’s from Utah or something.
–A train
Conductor: If you see someone trying to steal from you, make a lot of noise, create a big scene, and I’m sure someone will come to your aid.
Man: Clearly this guy is not from New York. Maybe he’s from Utah or something.
–A train
Man: Is this where we get off?
–Times Square shuttle
Guy: Can I help you?
Woman: You got boogers.
Guy: What?
Woman: You got boogers on your hand. I don’t want it.
Guy: I got allergies.
Woman: Well, whatever it is, I don’t want it!
Guy: You can’t catch allergies…
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Anton I
Girl #1: Why do I always have camel toe?
Girl #2: Are you buying your pants too tight?
Girl #1: No, I think I gained weight.
Girl #2: Where, in your labia?
–E train
Guy #1: Yo man! You look smart…You know what language that is?
Man: English.
Guy #1: Ha, ha! Yo man, I was jus’ playin’ wit you! But for real, you know this one?
Man: Italian.
Guy #2: Whoa.
Guy #1: What about this one?
Man: German…French…Korean…
Guy #1: Dude, that’s sick…that’s genius. What do they call that? Polyner or something?
Man: A polyglot. Polaner is jam.
–2 train
Overheard by: Mikey
Teen boy: I did the stupidest thing yesterday.
Teen girl: What?
Teen boy: I went up to the cops with my bag open, and I was like,
“Wanna search me? Wanna search me?” and they were like, “Okay.”
Teen girl: Ha, ha. You busted.
Teen boy: Yeah. They took half my condoms but they left everything
else.
–40th Street station
Lady #1: Can you please choose a direction and stick to it? You almost made me tumble down the stairs!
Lady #2: What? I know you are not talking to me!
Lady #1: Yes, I am talking to you, you keep changing your direction left, right, back, and forth! You walk right in front of me as I am walking down the stairs and almost tripped me down the stairs!
Lady #2: Well, if you were not right up my ass, you would not have had a problem!
Lady #1: How can I avoid being up your ass? Have you seen how much room your ass takes up?–
Man: Ha!
Lady #1: –It’s like a wide load truck swerving across the highway with no warning to fellow drivers! It’s huge!
Lady #2: Nasty ass bitch!
Lady #1: I am sure you would know.
–103rd Street 1 station
Counter guy: Who is next on line for a sandwich?…Anybody?…Does anybody want a sandwich?…Okay, who wants a salad?…Anybody waiting on line for a salad?….Anybody want anything?…You, what would you like?
JAP: Excuse me, I was next!
–EEE’s, East 34th Street
Overheard by: SK
Queer: No, thanks.
Flyers woman: You’re a faggot.
Queer: Fuck you, you fucking piece of trash skank bitch. Why don’t you wipe off your clown makeup, get some acutane, and find a real job? Fucking bitch.
–110th & Broadway
Girl #1: Where’s Broadway?
Girl #2: Well, Broadway runs like the entire city from North to South.
Girl #1: But where’s the part that has the famous stuff, like Cats?
Girl #2: Oh, I have no idea.
–Fulton & Nassau
Overheard by: Velzzy
Man: Can I buy a $2 subway card?
Booth lady: You have to use the machine.
Man: Can’t you help me? I only have one arm.
–1st Avenue station
Overheard by: Jorge Montano
Chick: Yeah, this book, Lions and Witches and shit; I like to read weird shit and send it to my boyfriend in jail.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Amanda Morante
Hobo: Man invented the condom so that the woman would stop trying to steal his DNA.
–F train
Overheard by: Caroline Duncan
