Professor: If you put a frog in a beaker of water and gradually heat it, at about 160 degrees or so the frog will look around and say, ‘Oh, shit! I’m dead!’

–NYU

Overheard by: Emily J

Professor, as student closes window and piece of paper floats outside: At least it wasn’t a body.

–SVA

Overheard by: jaclyn

Professor spastically spilling coffee on text: I just got so excited by Emerson I ejaculated my coffee all over him.

–Literature class, Columbia University

Professor: The Native Americans used peyote as part of their religion. And if you do peyote, believe me, you’re going to have a religious experience. You’re going to think you’re flying next to God, like, ‘Hey, God! Why you going so slow?’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: leilah

Professor: Please turn off your cell phones, beepers, pagers, interactive Gatorade bottles… Thank you.

–College

Overheard by: Kaleena

Writing teacher: … And I thought to myself, ‘These people are artists. They’re not supposed to be acting like normal people. They should be acting aloof and riding some sort of bizarre bicycle that they made themselves.’

–Eugene Lang College

Professor: I’m so not used to teaching like this… It’s like a classroom.

–Eugene Lang College, the New School

Overheard by: rpk