Yuppie #1: I admire the fact that your friends are so intelligent. Most people I speak to are single cell organisms, undergoing mitosis as I speak.
Yuppie #2: Then why do you speak to them?
Yuppie #1: They’re the only ones who call me
— Bond Street Starbucks
Man: These girls love the orange juice taste, but they just can’t handle the pulp.
–Bubby’s, Hudson St.
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Guy: She does the hard stuff first. She leaves the fun and easy stuff for the end.
–Funayama, Greenwich Village
Guy: Spam with Cheez Whiz. That’s my new diet.
–Funayama, Greenwich Village
Male Employee: No, that’s hemophilia. Hypoglycemia is, like, when your
body produces more sugar than your system can handle.
Female Employee: Yeah! That’s me!
–Lord & Taylor
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Moustached Fat Man: So I started my own ‘zine. Hopefully I’ll meet people.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Chick: Remember when I got drunk off that cake?…Kate was there, too, but she has better tolerance and I was skinnier then, too.
–Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: alice ayers
Wannabe Player: It is a pleasure to have the honor of being in your company.
–Halloween Party, Greenwich Village
Yuppie: There is in fact a fundamental difference between Ray’s and Webster’s. One is a series of restaurants that sell pizza; another is a book that you can look up the definitions of words in.
–Party, The West Village
Haircutter: So she wanted me to put wax in her hair. And I told her I didn’t have any, that it’s $19 a bottle and if I get some for everyone I’ll go through it in no time. So she says that I should buy it for my customers. If she likes it so much, she should go buy it herself. I mean, it’s one thing if the cunt were a good tipper.
–Astor Place [Translated from the Russian]
