Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]
–Myrtle & Carlton
Overheard by: Myrtle Resident
Puerto Rican teen #1: That’s nothing. I seen a horse give birth on the TV. That baby horse just come outta the big horse butt all slimy and shit.
Puerto Rican teen #2: Oh, snap?
Puerto Rican teen #1: For real, yo. That’s some big stuff comin’ outta your butt if you’re a horse and shit…
–14th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Seven or eight-year-old boy: Daddy, who owns ESPN?
Dad: Disney.
Boy: The man or the place?
Dad: Well, actually, the corporation. They own lots of things. Like, they own the Disney Channel, and the History Channel, and Lifetime, and then they own Disneyworld, and the Disney movie studio, and…
Mom, with little sister in her lap: Oh, for crying out loud, enough.
Dad: . . .which makes The Little Mermaid and The Lion King, and The Lion King on Broadway, and they own ABC, too. And a bunch of publishing stuff.
Boy [after a beat]: What about ESPN2?
Dad: That, too.
Boy: All the ESPNs? All four?
Father: Yeah, now there’s some valuable intellectual property, huh?
–Fascati Pizza, Henry St., Brooklyn Heights
Lawyer #1: The first date I ever went on with my wife I took her to a lecture about the physics of Star Trek.
Lawyer #2: Man, what a smooth operator you are.
–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Woman #1: After that Oprah, I knew we needed to work at our problems.
Woman #2: Good for you, good for you.
Woman #1: Yeah, I was like “Nigga, you better get up off me, take this knife off my throat, and use some motherfuckin words.”
Woman #2: Girl. Just like Rihanna.
–Escalator, Penn Station
Overheard by: JHillary
Preppy teen girl #1: The Twilight Zone is the best show ever!
Preppy teen girl #2: I'm gender confused.
–Toys R Us, Times Square
Guy #1: I want to sing into an oscillating fan and record it.
Guy #2: Do you think you’re the first person to think of that? That’s like saying the kid on Project Runway invented the word “fierce”.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Student: Have you seen the show Freaks and Geeks?
Dean: Yes. It reminds me of all of you!
–Bard High School Early College
Woman: It’s so rare to see a happy, black couple these days.
–Nunya
Overheard by: Jason
Guy on cell: I want to do, like, a modern blaxploitation kinda thing.
–111th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Conrad
JAP on cell: Yeah, Flava Flav. The show’s called Flava of Love, it’s like The Bachelor for black people.
–J&B Coffee, W 3rd St & McDougal
Overheard by: amused black girl
Ghetto girl: I swear, I feel like motherfuckin’ Harriet Tubman. Shoot.
–Tunnel between F & 1 trains, 14th St
Guy: Hey, you guys like stand-up comedy? Take this flyer. What, you ain’t gonna take it? Is it ’cause I’m black?
–Times Square
Bimbette: I’m not racist, I talked to a black girl in the bathroom today.
–A train
Tourist #1: Isn't it smurf that when you talk like a smurf people still smurf what you want to smurf?
Tourist #2: What?
–Times Square
