Nerd #1: Didn’t Ford’s body get shipped to Washington?
Nerd #2: No.
Nerd #1: Oh. Then I must have seen that on 24 or something.
–Union Square
Nerd #1: Didn’t Ford’s body get shipped to Washington?
Nerd #2: No.
Nerd #1: Oh. Then I must have seen that on 24 or something.
–Union Square
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Girl: Ellen DeGeneres is pretty funny.
Boy: And by funny you mean what?
Girl: … A lesbian.
–10th & 5th
Man to four-year-old with her mom: Aren’t you a cute little lady?
Mom: Ain’t you the one that was on the predator show on NBC?
–F train
NYU guy: Wait, so was it cocaine? It was cocaine, right?
Random girl at another table: Are you guys talking about Anna Nicole?
NYU guy: Yes! I missed the press conference! I feel, like, so irresponsible for not keeping up.
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Ghetto boy #1: It smells like… It smells like hot sex in space.
Ghetto boy #2: O.D.! This ain’t no Star Trek shit!
–16th & 1st
Overheard by: Vulcan
Clueless white lady: Oh, I wanted to see this Dave Chappelle’s Black Party— I mean, uh…
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
White guy: I didn’t call him a monkey because he was black, I called him a monkey because he’s a fucking retard.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Little Dominican boy to teacher: How come only black people get to be Indians?
–Plains Indians exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Old white lady trips over middle-aged white guy’s luggage: You’re just as bad as the black people!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: trying to get out of the way
Black guy to white guy in giant afro wig: Yeah, I wish I could be black.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Girl to friends: So, where should we get delivery from tonight?
Hobo: Get DiGiorno!
–49th & 7th
Store clerk: This is a good TV, but ma’am, it’ll probably be obsolete in about three or five years.
Old lady: That’s fine, ’cause I’ll probably be obsolete in three or five years.
–Best Buy, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Emily
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
