Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!
–JFK
Male student: Hey, do you want to watch Harold and Maude later?
Female student #1: Is that the one–? Never mind.
Male student: Wait, what were you going to say?
Female student #1: Is that the one with the hippos?
Male student: What are you talking about?
Female student #1: One wore a suit jacket, and the other wore a little dress…
Male student, later: Wanna see Harold and Maude later?
Female student #2: Is that the one with the hippos? Did one of them have a hat?
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: Olivia
Girl: It’s this way.
Guy: Are you sure?
Girl: I know where all the Jamba Juice is.
Guy: Are.
Girl: What?
Guy: Are. You know where all the Jamba Juice are.
Girl: Is.
Guy: Are! Each franchise is a separate entity!
Girl: Is! They’re all part of single collective!
Guy: Jamba Juice is not the Borg!
–50th & Broadway
Hipster chick: Hey, what do you do when Pikachu won’t get on a bus?
Thug: I dunno.
Hipster chick: You poke him on! Get it? Like Pokemon?
Thug: No, then he would thunderstrike you.
Hipster chick: [Silence.]Thug: He’s an electric type, you know?
–M14D bus, 1st Ave
Overheard by: melanie
Dude #1: Plus, I was watching The Sandlot, so that always stresses me out.
Dude #2: It does?
Dude #1: Yeah. Even though I know what’s going to happen, I get really anxious… That’s also the reason I don’t watch Full House.
–Q train
Overheard by: dianora
Thug #1: You a Zack Morris-lookin’ motherfucker. Show him your gun.
Thug #2: We can be your body guards… Fuck up AC Slater for you.
Thug #1: Word. Get us some fine white bitches with Zack Morris.
–Alley next to Hogs & Heffers
Overheard by: Time to Call Mr. Belding
Nerd #1: Didn’t Ford’s body get shipped to Washington?
Nerd #2: No.
Nerd #1: Oh. Then I must have seen that on 24 or something.
–Union Square
Kid: … And his balls were hanging out of his skirt!
–Stuyvesant High School
Drunk chick: Can I pleeease kick you in the balls? It’s my birthday!
–Ave A
Bimbette: So, balls are always — and, like, totally not in a sexual way — but balls are always hitting me in the face.
–Line at Upright Citizens Brigade
Street vendor to another: So, what if you were wearing shorts and you had one ball hangin’ out?
–W 49th & Broadway
Hot chick to another: So, I had him by the balls…
–Washington Square Park
Girl: No, no, don’t scratch your balls! [Screams.]
–8 train
Overheard by: Alex
Actor: I look down and there’s this blue spot on my balls. It looked like I fucked a smurf.
–Backstage, Strawberry One-Act Festival
Overheard by: I hate it when that happens
Girl: Ellen DeGeneres is pretty funny.
Boy: And by funny you mean what?
Girl: … A lesbian.
–10th & 5th
Man to four-year-old with her mom: Aren’t you a cute little lady?
Mom: Ain’t you the one that was on the predator show on NBC?
–F train
