Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.

–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Jason

Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!

–42nd between 9th & 10th

Overheard by: Ash

Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.

–C train

Overheard by: Dirty D

Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.

–AMC 25, Times Square

Overheard by: L

Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?

–Rooftop party, W 43rd

Overheard by: Esther

Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there.

–7 train

Overheard by: giants fan

Posted on September 27, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Jesus, Movies, One-liners, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Care About Melanin

Girl: You really don’t realize how many Indian kids there are at NYU until you have really shitty sex with one of them and have to try to avoid him.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Jake

Indian guy, to white guy: Do you see the color of my skin? I’m obviously more intelligent than you.

–Makers

Very white girl: It was so diverse and, like, I don’t know, I felt like a minority.

—Union Square

Guy: I don’t discriminate based on race, but you in particular are a suspicious-looking motherfucker.

–Red Sky Lounge, 29th & Park

Guy on cell: You fucking idiot. You don’t have jaundice. You’re Asian.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: another asian

Frenchman: Hurry! That chocolate man is taking your parking space!

–Christopher St

Overheard by: Melissa Coppola

Black guy, to white infant: Hey! Hey! Awww, shit. You anotha’ one of dose fucking crackers! Cracker-ass crackers fucking everywhere.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: The Cracker’s Mama

Posted on September 27, 2006
Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Could Use a Fig Leaf

Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: hannah

Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing.

–Thompson & Spring

Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye.

–48th & 2nd

Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Derek Powazek

Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.”

–College Walk, Columbia University

Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird!

–L train, Metropolitan Ave

Overheard by: Must be weird

Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you.

–3rd & A

Overheard by: Kira

Posted on September 27, 2006
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Jobs & Careers, Nudity, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners, Baby

CD vendor: Hey, baby, you like hip hop? C’mon, baby, it’s good. C’mon, I never shot nobody. Well, there was that one time, but baby, c’mon.

–Outside Virgin Megastore, Times Square

Security guard: Yeah, if some guy came in, I’d be the first one on the ground, screaming,”Oh shit, he got a gun!” I’d be screaming like a baby.

–Grocery store, Astoria

Man, excitedly holding up infant to the fence: Look, baby! It’s Ground Zero!

–Ground Zero

Overheard by: Rich Weksberg

Guy: I feel shaken like a baby being taken care of by a British woman!

–Chinatown bus

Overheard by: CG

Man on cell: Baby, butter that thang up ’cause I’m coming home.

–E 65th & Central Park

Guy: If I’m going to see pictures of someone pooping, I’d rather it be a baby…Or a kitten.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: B&T Bus Rider

Woman to dog: You can’t go in there. You want to be on TV, baby? You want to be a big TV star?

–ABC Building entrance, 66th & CPW

Overheard by: ABC employee who’s not on tv

Posted on September 20, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Parents, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Need to Go to the Free Clinic

Woman on cell: Wait, but he still has malaria, right?…Good. Go on.

–Grove & 7th

Overheard by: courtney clinton

Frat boy: Wow! Herpes for a dollar; that sounds like a good deal!

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Amateur historian: You know what was bad? Black Plague was bad.

–Toast, Lafayette St

Overheard by: Chris

Faux-Boho gal: And he said, “I don’t understand how I have STDs and you don’t.”

–N train

Overheard by: Kelly Green

Gay waiter: I’ll have to sterilize it and then burn it or it might give the fire an infection.

–SoHo

MTA employee: So I had a touch of pneumonia, and they had to remove part of my lung. I was coughing up Jello…But it was clear, so it was okay!

–Q train, Newkirk Ave

Overheard by: Ben Couch

Hobette: Excuse me, ladies and gentleman, I’m hungry and I’m homeless. If you could please spare some money or some food, I’d appreciate it. Oh, and I have cancer. Have a nice day.

–Downtown R train

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on September 20, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Illness, Prostitution, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

It Hurt at First, But Wednesday One-Liners Got Used to It

Barmaid: I’ll never feel lonely as long as someone, somewhere wants to stick it up my butt. Knowing that helps me sleep at night. Yes, sir, so long as I know that someone still wants to put it in my poop chute, I’m one happy camper.

–E Houston St

Woman to man: Just stick your dick in his ass. That’ll make him happy.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Jillian C

White girl on cell: And he put it in my ass and I was like, “Nuh-uh, nigga.”

–12th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Scott

Restaurant patron: So you’ll take a dick up the ass, but you won’t have that operation?

–Florent Restaurant, Gansevoort St

Yuppie: Can we not talk about anal sex at the opera?

–Met performance, Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: @$#%!

Girlfriend to boyfriend: For every one you hit, you can put it in my ass.

–Batting cages, West Side

Overheard by: The King Adrock

Guy on cell: …and the next thing I know, I’m getting fucked up the ass with Chapstick for lube. …No, cherry! …I know!

–49th St

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on September 20, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

For Occasional Irregularity, Take These Wednesday One-Liners

Girl: I can’t go to the bathroom, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bubble!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Hipster girl, emerging from Port-a-Potty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toilet paper! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Roz

Suit: I swear to God, it came out sideways. It hurt coming out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was floating sideways.

–Manhattan bound J train

Overheard by: Barry P.

Voice from bathroom stall: Yes!

–Women’s bathroom, Hunter College

Overheard by: acep

Girl, to friend washing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toilet.

–Restroom, Grand Central Station

Woman, walking out of stall: Left you something!

–Restroom, Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Guy: When I clenched my jaw really hard while I was trying to poop, I think I chipped a tooth.

–14th & 3rd

Posted on September 20, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Fruit, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Poop, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Baby, You Can Drive My Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I don’t know, now she won’t sleep in the bedroom ’cause of the mobster, and she needs a ride to the Hamptons.

–7th & Ave A

Overheard by: Analt

Guy: He’ll be here in another twenty minutes. He’s sleeping in the back of a car.

–74th & 2nd

Overheard by: Wendy

Teenage girl: I know it’s so wrong, but I’m seriously lusting for luxury cars. I just want to lick them. I want to hump those leather seats!

–WTC Path station

Overheard by: Carine

Suburban boy: Oh my God, driving in the city is most fun thing in the entire world!

–Downtown R train

Overheard by: confused

Man: I had a bad night tonight. I stole a car, got two tickets. I shouldn’t-a stole that car.

–Bodega, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Flasteppi

Drunk guy on cell: If you don’t have my money by 12 tomorrow, I’m gonna get your mother’s car and your sister’s car…I still love your sister, too, but you better have my money.

–Union Turnpike-Kew Gardens E/F station

Young woman: Where did all these cars come from? New York doesn’t have cars.

–35th & 5th

Overheard by: Frank & Alex