Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It

20-something on cell: So yeah, I hit a new low. So you know how I had sex with Dan, Steve and Dave? Well, I totally just handled my friend from work who is married and we did it in his daughter's bed. If that doesnt say I'm crazy, I dont know what does? (pause) Are you kidding me? His wife never gives it up, that man busted four times in a matter of minutes.
(pause). Well, that's now four men this week who said I have the best pussy they've had.

–159th & Broadway

Overheard by: morgan

Girl: She was fucking everybody in this city–and no one even liked her!

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: bRonwyn

20-something man to girlfriend: You're a grown woman! I can't help it if you're a whore!

–7 Train

Overheard by: becky z-dub

Girl on cell: Wait, so you and Skylar are dating now? Ahh, so exciting! (pause) No, you didn't already tell me. You said that you woke up next to him. Since when does that mean you're dating someone?

–Bedford & 8th

20-something blonde on phone: All those people who laugh and snigger at you only do it because they too have experienced the walk of shame.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Man on phone: I can't be constantly wondering who you're sleeping with! I tell you, I'm tired, I'm old, and I can't do what I'm supposed to do. I'm a good 60, but I ain't good enough to be waking up everyday and chasing you around!

–Coffee shop, Crown Heights

Overheard by: Eric

Hipster on cell: I don't see what's so wrong with going up to someone on the street and saying, "hey, what's up? Let's fuck!" I do it all the time!

–Great Hall, Cooper Union

Overheard by: NYUTSOA12

Posted on November 5, 2008
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Compliments, Dating, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Infidelity, Laughter, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One Night Stand, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Sex, Soho, Store, Street, Three is Company, Vagina, Weirdness, West Village

But Fabulous

Crazy #1: Oh, they were showing Psycho last night!
Crazy #2 (sucking teeth): I've seen that too many times. Even though I love the ending when he comes out in his mom's clothing. God, I love the gays! Oh, wait…he's psycho.

–L Train

Overheard by: Momma B

Posted on November 4, 2008
Crazies, Family Ties, Film, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Weirdness

Remember, Folks, the 8 O'Clock Show Is Completely Different from the 10 O'Clock Show

Passport office worker: Ma'am, you want to ask me a question, you're gonna need to step into the line at this window.
Woman: But I only…
Passport office worker: No buts. You get into this line or I don't talk to you. You don't step away from this window, I call security.
Woman: Fine! Call security!
Passport office worker (grabbing phone): Security, you gonna need to come up and take care of this lady–and oh, she's getting so nasty!
(both laugh)
Passport office worker: So you gettin' ready to go out to lunch?
Woman: Yeah, you want me to pick you up something?

–US Passport Office

Overheard by: Chuckell

Posted on November 4, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Fakes, Laughter, Weirdness, Women

Pepé Le Pew's Girlfriend Has Second Thoughts

Cute girl on phone: I woke up from a deep sleep last night, from the middle of a dream in which I was worried that I had to fix a project at work–to make sure that it didn't go out smelling like fart. That's how strong your fart was in the middle of the night under the covers. It got integrated into my dream and woke me up. (pause) I was worried too that I would smell like fart today because there was no way of having a hot shower. (pause) Thank god for perfume.

–St Mark's Place

Posted on November 4, 2008
Dreams, Farting & Burping, Girls, On Cell, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

You Were All, “Whine Whine Whine, But She's Only Eleven!”

Girl: You always thought my mom was hot while we were going out. You'd be all “Oh my god, your mom is totally hot. I'd hit that.”
Guy: Well, she is!
Girl: I know that! But you can't want to fuck my mom and get all pissed when I want to fuck your sister!

–78th & Amsterdam

Posted on November 4, 2008
Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, MILF, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

When You Have Too Many Questions, Silence Is Probably Best

Asian girl #1 to Asian girl #2: Hey!
Asian girl #2 (surprised): Hi.
Asian girl #1: Haha, I recognized you by your boobs.
(Asian girl #2 laughs, her boyfriend shifts uncomfortably)

–Columbia University

Posted on November 3, 2008
Asians, Boyfriends, Columbia University, Girls, Physical appearance, Rack, Weirdness

The Ambiguously Gay Duo?

Girl: Guys have boobs too!
Guy: (…)
Girl: Who are those two guys that have boobs?
Guy: (…)
Girl: Oh! Batman and Robin!

–1 Train

Posted on November 2, 2008
Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Rack, TV, Weirdness

Chase Is an Equal-Opportunity Forecloser

African American bank employee: Ma'am, it's not Chase's fault that you had to go to a Citibank at 4 am because there was a homeless man sleeping in the Chase lobby. We cannot refund the $1.50 fee that Citibank charged you.
90-year-old woman: He was Caucasian! Can you believe it?
African American bank employee: Ma'am, even Caucasians can be homeless.

–Chase Bank