Sexually ambiguous guy: Yeah, Natasha is having a party tonight, but I didn’t want to go because she has bedbugs, and I was afraid that I’d get bedbugs and bring them home. Everyone who’s going has to wear plastic bags.
Female companion: Why is she having a party?
Sexually ambiguous guy: It’s a bedbug party.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: minerfa
Hipster girl: How could you wear that?!
Fur coat lady: I love animals so much that if I can’t be one I might as well wear one around my neck!
–N train
Overheard by: teabird
Big latina: I want to get to the gym more often.
Bigger latina: Yeah, I need to get around to that, too.
Big latina: The problem is, though, my man tells me he don’t want to go to the gym. He said he likes my weight right now and I shouldn’t lose any.
Bigger latina: He right.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Queens
Chick: I’m interested in what’s now — that’s why I live in Williamsburg.
–Court & 3rd Pl
Overheard by: imitation rastaman
Hyper bus driver playing with overhead marquee while driving: I can set it to police bus, training bus… It’s like a microwave — what do you want? Corn? I like to change it to ‘Harlem.’ Then people get really confused. [Changes sign to ‘B6 Limited’ and comes up to bus stop. No one gets on bus.] What do you need, the B6? No? [Keeps driving.]
–B4 bus, Sheepshead Bay
Overheard by: tanechka
Smart guy: There is no West Side. There’s only Zabar’s.
–New York Palace Hotel
Overheard by: Emily
Hipster to another: You should totally move up to Harlem. It’s getting whiter.
–Union Square
Old lady to another: Yes, she’s still alive. She’s living all alone on the Upper East Side. Well, she doesn’t go out at all. You know she hates everyone, even Democrats.
–22nd & 1st
Frat boy with group of orange-tanned, fake-chested blondes: We gotta find me the Meatpacking District!
–N 4th St & Bedford Ave
Four-year-old boy to random woman: Why did the skeleton go out to dinner?
Woman: Why?
Four-year-old boy: Because he wanted to get some ribs! [Boy and brother laugh hysterically.]Boys’ mom: Oh, Benjamin, you’re so shy.
Four-year-old boy: I’m not shy! I talk a lot because I’m drunk! [Ladies nearby laugh, mother blushes.] … I farted.
–LIRR
Man: I’m tellin’ you, a perm makes you look good.
Woman: Goddammit, Pee Wee! No it don’t! You think you know every mothafuckin’ thing!
–Fulton & Putnam, Brooklyn
Overheard by: mira p
Old woman: I just can’t believe that’s where my brother goes out to when he comes to visit me. He’s not gay, so why would he be there?
Old queer: Are you sure he’s not? It’s called ‘Rawhide’ for a reason.
–22nd St & 8th Ave
Woman #1: He ate that shit like a crab. Like crab salad. Tossed it. All that.
Woman #2: Damn!
–F train, between East Broadway & Delancey
Woman #1: He’s kinda funky. He doesn’t bathe a lot.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah, he’s an artist. Like, he wears lederhosen… Maybe that’s a bad example.
–New Pasteur Restaurant
Overheard by: Shawn
Woman #1: Hey! How have you been?
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Forget it.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jane
