Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod?

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Alice

Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately

White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours!

–Bayside, Queens

Overheard by: Alexandra

Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch.

–23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jill Twiss

Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do?

–Bayside, Queens

Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods.

–2 Train

Overheard by: res

Posted on February 4, 2009
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Dads, Directions, Farting & Burping, For Sale, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, Insults, iPod, Judaism, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, Stoners, The Village, Threats, Time, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People

Noooo…!

(homeless woman who smells like urine exits train).
Gay guy to rest of train: Okay, does anybody have something I can spritz over here to get rid of this lingering smell?
(everybody on the train looks at him like he's crazy)
Sorority girl, smelling the urine: Oh my god. Is this smell from that woman?
Gay guy: Yeah.
Sorority girl: It's okay, I have something to spray over here.
(digs into purse and takes out an oddly shaped bottle of perfume, sprays a few times, and sits down)
Gay guy: That's a cool bottle.
Sorority girl: Thanks, it's Britney.

–2 Train

Posted on January 25, 2009
About Celebrities, Homeless, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Passengers, Pee, Queer guys, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls

Bob and CNNdy Are Such a Cute Couple

Guy: So, Plaxico Burress shoots himself with an illegal gun, and now he's going to be the next Senator from Illinois?
Girl: Sometimes I have no idea why I dated you.

–R Train

Overheard by: Yeah, it took me a second, too.

Posted on January 19, 2009
About Celebrities, Couples, Dating, Football, On the Subway, Politics, Suicide, Weapons, Weirdness

The Very Best of Everything, Right Up the Old Snot Locker

Guy #1: Yeah…I heard she looks like Amy Winehouse.
Guy #2: Naw, man she looks like she treats herself like Amy Winehouse…there's a difference.

–31st & 8th

Posted on January 16, 2009
About Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Physical appearance

Why Are You Brad Pitt in Every Hypothetical?

Gay guy: I'm the understudy? How does this make sense? I'm so good and Greg is so awful.
Girl: Yeah, I don't know.
Gay guy: It's like Brad Pitt being cast as an extra for Pauly Shore's new movie. And I'm Brad Pitt!

–8th & 30th

Overheard by: Rob Anderson

Posted on January 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Queer guys, Questions

Think Some Squats Would Help Me?

Security guard #1: Hey, my friend brought over a magazine with that Kardashian chick on the cover.
Security guard #2: Yeah…
Security guard #1: She's got a big ass.

–One Penn Plaza Office Building

Posted on January 15, 2009
About Celebrities, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Security Guards

Close, That's Courtney Love

(at Thanksgiving Parade, Santa's float is coming)
Grandma: Everyone's screaming, it must be someone big!
Little kid: It's Britney Spears!

–40th St & 7th Ave

Posted on January 9, 2009
About Celebrities, Celebrations/Parties, Families, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Anything for a Laugh, You Know?

Blonde girl: I saw that really handsome guy on the bus yesterday, and I was so happy cuz I haven't seen him in a month. I actually got really close to him, too. But the worst thing happened.
Brunette girl: Oh, that like, 40-year-old hot guy? What, was he like, hideously disfigured up close or something? Did he smell like bologna?
Blonde girl: No. He was gorgeous and perfect as usual. It was much worse. I was listening to my iPod, and I noticed he was talking on the phone. I turned my iPod down to hear his voice, finally, and it…it was not good.
Brunette girl: Not god?
Blonde girl: It was like fucking Ray Romano. With the honk and the accent and the shrill nasal whine! I wanted to die! I wanted to die.

–R Train

Posted on January 8, 2009
About Celebrities, Beauty, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Happiness, iPod, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences

You Know, Where People from San Francisco Go to Buy Drugs

Girl #1: Do you want to see Dave Chapelle?
Girl #2: Oh, I love him, I love him, he's so awesome, god, if I met him, I would just, I don't know, I…
Girl #1: Have you heard that show of his?
Girl #2: Which one?
Girl #1: Oh, I don't know–he talks about Oakland.

–43rd & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on December 25, 2008
About Celebrities, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, TV

Wednesday One-Liners Appeal the Restraining Order

Jamaican woman on cell: Guess what? I don't stalk people anymore!

–Metro-North Train

Overheard by: Kristen

Guy to another: I know where you live. I could totally stalk you.

–PATH Train

Overheard by: fish

Man on corner holding many whistles for sale, wearing multicolored, umbrella hat: Young man, get one for your skateboard. Great for bikers, joggers, walkers, fast talkers and park stalkers!

–59th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Emily

Woman on cell: Right, right…I want to show him that's not me: I'm *not* stalking him…I'm *not* obsessed with him.

–West 66 Street & Freedom Place

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

40-something woman to sister (waiting for Daniel Radcliffe to come out after first preview of Equus: Okay, let's go. It's okay. I saw him last week, and I know where he lives.

–Broadhurst Theatre

Overheard by: ouch, you just elbowed me in the face, bitch

Posted on December 24, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Harassment, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Sisters, Sports, Theater, Theater & Dance, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

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