Drunk guy #1: What the fuck? So that pole fell on you?
Drunk guy #2: Uh-huh.
Drunk guy #1: Shake it off!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
Drunk guy #1: What the fuck? So that pole fell on you?
Drunk guy #2: Uh-huh.
Drunk guy #1: Shake it off!
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: Matt Hartwick
(cabbie cuts bus off, both cab and bus are stopped at traffic light. Bus driver opens his window)
Bus driver: I'm gonna hit one of you! You know, it's my goal to hit one of you people before I retire, it really is–you almost just made it happen! You people gotta learn someday! (turns to passenger) We're allowed one accident per year. I'm saving all of mine for that.
–M15 Bus to South Ferry
Girl #1: It's like, I'd rather he got hit by a drunk driver than shot by an idiot!
Girl #2: That's true…
Girl #3 (coming out of stall): Plus, you get more money that way…
–Restroom, The Blarney Stone Bar
Overheard by: Chrissy
(a couple of guys want to get a picture of a taxi crashed into a lamppost)
Guy #1 (handing camera to passerby): Can you take our picture?
Guy #2: In front of the taxi. (pause) We're tourists.
New Yorker: Yeah, I know.
–Near Cake Shop
Overheard by: Shutterbug
Woman: But I feel bad hitting you! You're injured!
Man: Oh, stop. I didn't die.
–Staten Island Physician Practice
Overheard by: Green Star
Girl: So I was in Sweden, right, and we were riding these bikes and I sorta fell off the seat onto the bar underneath it and when I went to the bathroom there was blood in my panties and it really hurt.
Asian chick (yelling): Ohmigod, you totally lost your virginity to a bike.
Girl: Great, now the whole train knows.
–4 Train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured passenger.
Heavy-set African American lady: Is you serious? I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because of an injured customer on the tracks.
Heavy-set African American lady: They better pick him up and get him off them tracks or I'm a miss Flavor of Love!
(few minutes later)
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, our train has collided with a customer on the tracks. We are waiting for the police to investigate. Please be patient.
Heavy-set African American lady: Good thing I got that TiVo…
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Noel Coward
Train conductor: Now arriving at 116th street, Columbia University. Ivy league. Ivy league… Ivy league… Ivy league… Stand clear of the closing doors.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Amused Subway Rider
Guy on phone: I’m a tool, I’ll admit that.
–College Walk, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ed
Chick on cell: How did they know I was feeling hormonal? And did they need to announce it on my boarding pass?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: YotGC
(Columbia student #1 jaywalks in front of a car)
Columbia student #2: I can’t get hit by a car right now! I have a paper to write!
–115th & Broadway
(two frat boys in boxers run a lap down 113th as a third cheers them on)
Sorority girl: Sometimes I wonder how some of these people get into Columbia…
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: wondering the same thing
Middle-aged male: I knew a Rockette once -not on a real personal basis, but we knew each other.
Friend: Oh, really?
Middle-aged male: Yeah… Well anyway, she got hit by a bus. She’s doin’ alright now but I mean, she’s not a Rockette anymore.
–Outside Radio City Music Hall
Overheard by: alicia rose
Souvenir photographer: Please step down, ma’am. We are taking photos of everyone before we board.
Passenger: Is this in case I die?
–Pier 83
