Wednesday Bites the Big One-Liner

Teen scene girl: And that's a whole fucking different story! You always said you wanted to die having a heart attack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Overheard by: Duluthian

Guy in line: I haven't had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan's, Coney Island

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, isn't that a great idea?

–Penn Station

20-something irritated man on cell: Dude, stop freaking out! They're probably not going to do the autopsy for another three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Conductor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a lovely evening. Oh, and it's lovely to be alive.

–Amtrak Train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Paige

Posted on October 17, 2014
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Cars and Driving, Conductors, Coney Island, Creepsters, Death, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, Insults, Internet, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Teens, The Village, Time, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why Kids Shouldn't Have Kids: a Play in Two Acts

Adolescent mother to four-year-old daughter: Look at your sexy legs… you got a sexy body.
(10 minutes later)
Adolescent mother to four-year-old daughter: You gonna fall and crack ya fuckin head open.

–LIRR

Overheard by: dr. positive washington

Posted on October 10, 2014
Accidents, Body Parts, Compliments, Kids, Moms, Parents, Teens, Trains Not Subway

Still Hoping I Don’t Go to College, Aren’t You?

(man instructing son to stay in the crosswalk)
Man: Don’t wander off into the street.
Son: Why? Why do I have to stay between the lines?
Man: Stay between the lines and you’ll be rich. You’ll be rich.
Son: What do you mean?
Man: It means you get paid if a car hits you.

–Surf Ave & Stillwell Ave

Overheard by: Amanda Haag

Posted on September 28, 2014
Accidents, Advice, Boys, Brooklyn, Dads, Default, Money & Class, Questions, Weirdness

Don't You Get Points for That?

Customer: Do you have any more frisbees?
Cashier: NYU isn't really a frisbee school.
Customer: Why not?
Cashier: You could hurt a tourist.

–Bookstore, NYU

Posted on September 27, 2014
Accidents, Cashiers, Customers, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, School and studying, Store, Tourism, Weirdness

But There's Just One Where I Get All My News From

Coworker #1: Wow, I can't believe the space shuttle exploded.
Coworker #2: That's what they get.
Coworker #1: What!?
Coworker #2: Who told them to go into space? That's what they get for flying in the face of god!
Coworker #1: What the hell are you talking about?
Coworker #2: They shouldn't be there. Why do you think every time the space shuttle comes back there are new diseases and shit!
Coworker #1: So you're saying there is life in space!?
Coworker #3: It's true, it's true! They're coming out with new types of onions every day!

–Retail Store Stockroom, Manhattan

Posted on September 24, 2014
Accidents, Coworkers, Drugs, God, Illness, News, Questions, Store, Stupidity

I Hear He’s Looking for a Cabin Boy, If You Know What I Mean

Conductor: All tickets… Ticket, please.
Drunk pirate guy: I, uh… I don’t have any money… Uh [unintelligible slurring]…
Man nearby: Hey, conductor, ask for the fare in doubloons, or pieces of eight!

–Eastbound LIRR

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on September 12, 2014
Accidents, Default, Drunks, Guys, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Strangers, Subway conductors

What's a White Kid Go for These Days, Anyway?

Dorky little white kid: What happens if I fall in the tracks?
Dorky white dad: I guess I'd have to buy a new kid.
Dorky little white kid: That's beastin'!

–Q Train

Overheard by: that *is* beastin'

Posted on September 4, 2014
Accidents, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, White People

It's Hard to Save Face Once You Admit to Owning Decorative Pillows

Bro #1, concerned: What the hell happened to your face?
Bro #2, dazed: What? (pause) Oh. I fell asleep on a decorative pillow.

–Times Square

Posted on August 30, 2014
Accidents, Body Parts, Friends, Physical appearance, Questions, Times Square

A Thousand Pardons, Mr. Feces

Man #1, bumping into another: I'm sorry.
Man #2: C'mon man, watch where you're going. I'm the shit, man!

–South Ferry 1 Station

Posted on August 22, 2014
Accidents, Apologies, Ferry, Men, Poop

It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on August 20, 2014
Accidents, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Battery Park, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Disabilities, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Penn Station, Retards & Handicaps, Stuyvesant, Suits, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness

Accidents