[Thuggish teen prances in front of taxi.]Cabbie: Are you really that poor that you need to walk and get hit by my cab for money?!
Thuggish teen, walking to taxi window: Thats what I do! Mmmhmmm [Eats ice cream slowly at car window.]
–10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Melissa Anne
Drunk muscular hipster, after walking into a glass door (shouting): Yeah, you can laugh at me now, but you won't be laughing when I take my story to Fox News, jerk-wads!
–L Train
Overheard by: Tom in Bushwick
Extreme sports guy #1: I broke my leg last summer.
Extreme sports guy #2: Dude, I broke my leg once. I broke both bones in both wrists this one time.
Extreme sports guy #1: What, were you snowboarding or something?
Extreme sports guy #2: No, I fell off the monkey bars. I was in the third grade.
–L Train
Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Student
Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: a note of chocolate?
Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher
Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!
–L Train
Overheard by: Misshellee
Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.
–Bard High School Early College
[guy slips on snowy steps, falls down]Old man: Oh, are you okay?
[guy gets up, walks away]Old woman: If this were Dartmouth, they’d have salted this by now, you know.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Greg T
Man #1: I was cashing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russian dude almost hit my little brother. So I went and tapped on his window and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouthful of my spit. Then I started walking away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all basketball style.
–Nathan’s at Coney Island
Overheard by: Brad Benson
[Young black girl bumps into a young white girl rounding a corner.]Young black girl: Oh, I’m sorry miss, excuse me.
[Young white woman gives the young black girl a nasty look, and continues walking.]Young black girl: I don’t know why da fuck I use manners anymore.
–Lehman College
Child #1: Daddy! You’ll fall backwards!
Dad: What?
Child #1: You’ll fall backwards!
Dad: No, I won’t.
Child #2: Or we’ll push you!
–Belvedere Castle
(teen #1 presses the 26th floor button. Teen #2 presses 21-25th floors for fun)
Teen #1: Dude, what the hell did you do that for?! You're an idiot, I hope you fall off my roof and die!
(pause)
Teen #3, seriously: Can we unpress it?
–Elevator, Bay Ridge
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
