HS boy: Well, I tend to write more sloppily.
Asian girlfriend: ‘Sloppily’?! Is that even a word?
HS boy: It’s an adverb.
Asian girlfriend: Yes, but I said, is that even a word?
–1 train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh outloud
HS boy: Well, I tend to write more sloppily.
Asian girlfriend: ‘Sloppily’?! Is that even a word?
HS boy: It’s an adverb.
Asian girlfriend: Yes, but I said, is that even a word?
–1 train
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh outloud
Middle-aged white lady: Excuse me, where is Shanghai?
Asian girl: You in the wrong country.
Middle-aged white lady: No! I mean Shanghai Restaurant.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: confused
Big black man: I think I like you. You have an aura, a glow. I like you.
Little Asian girl: That’s just perspiration.
–Queens-bound E train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!
–Ave M, Q train stop
Overheard by: LoRna
Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!
–Southern Blvd, Bronx
Overheard by: E.J.
Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: SELENA
Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.
–13th & 6th
Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.
–R train
Overheard by: Marisa
Agitated Indian woman on platform, unable to board: You! You in the orange shirt! Do you speak English?
Asian woman in orange shirt: … Yes.
Agitated Indian woman: Could you move into the center of the car? Move in, move in! Move in so we can get on!
Asian woman: I am moved in. I’m in the exact center of the car!
Agitated Indian woman: No, there is room! Orange shirt, move in!
Asian woman: I can’t go anywhere. I don’t know what you expect me to do.
Agitated Indian woman: [String of expletives in Hindi.]Asian woman, under breath: Psycho.
–Crowded N train, 59th St stop
Overheard by: trappedinabay
Asian kid #1: I haven’t eaten Chinese food in so long…
Asian kid #2: You don’t eat Chinese food at home?
Asian kid #1: No… I eat Korean food.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: Lillian
Headline by: noodle
Runners-Up:
· “Ever Since the Animal Shelter Opened Next Door…” – KJM
· “If Your Mom Had Herpes, You’d Order Takeout Too.” – Asian kid #3
· “My Mom’s Trying This Whole “diversity” Thing” – micheleneous
· “The Difference Is in the Cats!” – kerm
· “Your Mom Doesn’t Count” – BSchmidt
Trendy Asian girl #1: I’m so glad that we’re still friends and everything, after I dated your brother.
Trendy Asian girl #2: Oh, yeah, we’re totally friends now. I’ll share everything with you. Purses, shoes — everything. And that was sort of like I was sharing my brother with you, too!
–36th & 3rd
Asian chick: … And that’s the bar where I got roofied.
White chick: You didn’t get roofied! You got food poisoning!
Asian chick: Yeah, I know, but it doesn’t make for as good a story.
–W 4th & 6th
White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
Worker: So, where are you from?
Asian guy: Ummm, Fresh Meadows, Queens.
Worker: No, really, where are you from? Like, overseas?
Asian guy: Taiwan.
Worker: Oh. How do you say ‘Hi’?
Asian guy: Ni hao.
Worker: That’s like the same as Chinese right?
Asian guy: Yeah.
Worker: Is it because the countries are really close?
–OMG store, Soho
Overheard by: Larry Liou
