Girl, handing phone to gay Asian friend: Here, talk to John.
Gay Asian friend: Hi, John… Are you naked? [pause] What? You are naked? In this weather?! Damn, man, your thing must be as small as a peanut by now!
–Borders Bookstore, 100th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stunned and literate
Bald white guy: You know Steve, right?
Asian woman: Steve? Who’s Steve?
Bald white guy: Oh, he’s the gay guy with the three-legged dog.
–43rd & 9th
Really tall white guy: Dude! Chinatown is awesome! I accidentally elbowed a woman in the face, and she didn’t even say anything!
Asian friend: What?!
–Mulberry & Bayard
Stuy Girl: So, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Stuy Guy: Well, I really want to just own some cows in Spain.
Stuy girl: Um, and do what with them?
Stuy Guy: Uh, milk them…I guess.
Stuy Girl: That’s not very realistic.
Stuy Guy: Yeah, I was thinking more in terms of like, if I didn’t have to survive…
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: jules
Respectably sober hipster: So, I’m interested, what is your ethnicity?
Inebriated Asian girl: Actually, I’m drunk!
–The Levee, N3 & Berry
Overheard by: zp
Asian girl: O-M-G, did you try the bull’s penis?! Was it big?!
Asian guy #1: Yeah, it was pretty nasty.
Asian girl, pointing to Asian guy #2: Oooh, he tried the cow’s tongue!
Asian guy #2: Uh, can we not talk about that?
–Famous Pizza, Kisseria Blvd, Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Sajel
Headline by: KatieNB
Runners-Up:
· “Everybody Knows All the Best Asian Sex Clubs Are in Queens” – PeterG
· “Eww, He Ate the Tongue That Licked the Bull Penis That I Ate! That’s Like Hooking Up Indirectly.” – Whoscawatziz
· “Fear Factor Here = Food Network Over There” – Jimmy
· “One’s a Lifestyle Choice, the Other’s Just Sick” – Gerald Lanning
· “Penis, It’s What’s For Dinner!” – DR G LUV
Filipino girl #1: So, he’s from Bangladesh, right?
White guy: Really? Are you sure? ‘Cause he looks white…
Filipino girl #2: Yeah, but he’s really Filipino. Bangladesh is in Asia, right?
Filipino girl #1: Yeah, but not our part, which is why he doesn’t look completely white like me.
–1 train
Long Island JAP: Long Island should totally become the sixth borough of New York.
Queer: Fuck no! The MTA doesn’t go there, and we all know that if the MTA doesn’t go there, neither should you.
Asian guy: What about Staten Island?
–47th & Broadway
Overheard by: Samantha Jones
Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.
–42nd & 8th
Asian girl helping blonde with Japanese assignment: Okay, now tell me about something you would eat.
Blonde: Uhhh… Watashiwa inu o tabemasu…
Asian, exasperated: You don’t eat dogs!
Blonde: Well, in Japan you do!
–Outside University Restaurant, University Place
