Dude #1: So I was, like, having intercourse with my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend came home and caught us.
Dude #2: That happened to me before.
–D train
Overheard by: Ed
Dude #1: So I was, like, having intercourse with my girlfriend’s mom, and my girlfriend came home and caught us.
Dude #2: That happened to me before.
–D train
Overheard by: Ed
Trophy wife: Arthur, I’m sick of you buying me things and making me feel like I owe you! I want to work!
Suit: You can work on my dick.
–Leaving Louis Vitton, Soho
Boy trying to get teacher to call on him: Oh my god, I have a really good point to make!
Girl, just as eager: Shut up! Mine is better!
–Hunter College High
Girlfriend to boyfriend trying to stick trash down her pants: That’s not a garbage can!
–48th St, Sunnyside, Queens
Man #1: Yo, man! Get your ass out of my face! I ain’t no faggot.
Man #2, bent over: I’m sorry.
Man #1: I oughta put my shoe up your ass.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: What, you didn’t see me sitting here? I don’t want your ass in my face.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: No, you’re not.
Man #2: No, I really am sorry. I apologize. I’m sorry [quickly disembarks at next stop].
Man #1: Did you see that? I ain’t no fag.
–4 train
Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.
–9th St, between Ave A & B
Overheard by: rpk
Chick: It was really good seeing you! Tell your sister I said hi!
Guy: I will — you, too! [To friend] What a fuckin’ bitch.
Chick: I can still hear you!
Guy: I don’t care!
–Sugar Bar, Church St
Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.
–Actors’ Equity building
Overheard by: Cat
Chick #1: I should go to sleep earlier. I want to, but for some reason I just can’t.
Chick #2, reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: I should also kill my roommate. I desperately want to, but I don’t think prison would agree with me. I don’t want to be someone’s bitch.
Chick #2, still reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: Are you even listening to me?
Chick #2, exasperated: What the hell do you want?!
–NYU
Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.
–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: The junior at the next table
