Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.
–Actors’ Equity building
Overheard by: Cat
Man in elevator A: Hey, Bob!
Man in elevator B, across the hall: Oh! Hi there! [Doors close.] He should just resign.
–Actors’ Equity building
Overheard by: Cat
Chick #1: I should go to sleep earlier. I want to, but for some reason I just can’t.
Chick #2, reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: I should also kill my roommate. I desperately want to, but I don’t think prison would agree with me. I don’t want to be someone’s bitch.
Chick #2, still reading: Uh-huh.
Chick #1: Are you even listening to me?
Chick #2, exasperated: What the hell do you want?!
–NYU
Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.
–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: The junior at the next table
Hobo: Hey, doggie. Come here, doggie. Hey, hey, doggie. Come over here.
Woman, pulling dog away on leash: Come, Mikey! Come on!
Hobo, to passerby: You see that? Fuckin’ racist don’t want me touchin’ her dog ’cause I’m fuckin’ black!
Teen passerby: No, sir, it’s because you are homeless.
Hobo: Oh. Well, yeah. There’s that.
–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Woman: Breastfeeding her baby is not the same as taking a shit.
Man: Yeah, it is. It’s like shitting in the baby’s mouth.
–3rd & 2nd
White guy: Well, this is her third. The first two she miscarried.
Black guy: Aw, man.
White guy: All of them were shake ‘n’ bake.
Black guy: What?
White guy: Yeah, he shakes and she bakes. It’s like 10 grand a shake, too.
Black guy: I heard 25.
–JFK airport
Overheard by: Deeznuts
Old lady: What did you just say?
Three-year-old: [Inaudible mumbling.]Old lady: Don’t curse, goddammit! You sound like a fucking ass!
–110th & Madison
Dude #1: So, why did you break up with her?
Dude #2: Because she got herpes.
Dude #1: What?! You gave it to her!
Dude #2: Yeah, I know, but it’s different — herpes is gross with girls. It’s like a battle wound for guys, though.
–Slipper Room
Guy to group of teenagers after doors close on crowded train: You know, in this city we move in on the trains.
Girl #1: We’re not tourists, you know.
Guy: Then you should know better.
Girl #1: Oh, just shut up.
Guy: Didn’t your father teach you to act better?
Girl #2: Her father is dead.
Guy, after slight pause: Well, maybe that’s why she’s such an obnoxious little twat.
–1 train
Overheard by: LSB
Small group of tourist kids singing loudly: I believe I can fly… I believe I can touch the sky…
Mom: That’s what you think!
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
