Angry guy: I can’t believe they put up fucking scaffolding on my building!
Friend: What’s the big deal?
Angry guy: Once they put it up, it never comes down. And you never see anyone ever working on it.
Friend: It’s just scaffolding. Dude, you need to get laid.
–5th Ave & 12th St
Customer #1: Hey, kid! Get the fuck out of there!
Customer #2: Don’t you dare speak to my boy like that!
Customer #1: Why? Does the little bastard not know English?
Customer #2: Shut up.
Customer #1: I guess not.
–Laundry King, Ave A
Overheard by: Usleich
Father carrying plastic pitchfork: Fuck that. Fuck that, bitch! Fuck that!
Mother in disheveled wildcat costume to crying son: It’s okay, baby. You’re not in trouble. Daddy and I are just arguing.
Father: Yeah, fuck you, Mommy. Yo, fuck that. Yo, Daddy is leavin’. Daddy is gone, boy.
Mother: It’s okay, baby.
Father to son: Shut the fuck up, faggot bitch! [Turns to mother] Don’t turn my son against me, bitch!
–24th St & 9th Ave
Guy #1: Taking family members on a sex safari is not a good idea.
Guy #2: It was hardly a sex safari, idiot. I just took my brother to a massage parlor.
–Broadway & Canal
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD
Chick: Look, I didn’t paint my toenails red after you made that comment.
Guy: Good, because the only girls who do that are selling their ass on the street.
–14th St & 7th Ave
Old lady: Are you getting off at this stop?
Guy: The train hasn’t stopped yet.
Old lady: I know, but I want to be ready when it does.
Guy: Don’t worry, you’ll be ready.
Old lady: Yeah, but you’re a lot bigger than I am.
Guy: I’m not going to block the door.
Old lady: Yeah, but I’m carrying a lot heavier bags than you are.
Guy: You should get a cart.
Old lady: You should get a donkey!
Guy: A donkey? I’ll consider it.
–N Train approaching Queensboro Bridge
Overheard by: Laughing N Train
Seated old guy gesturing across the street to young couple kissing: Why do they keep doing that? They do that every morning!
Old guy walking by: Yeah?
Seated old guy: Every morning!
Old guy walking by: Bah, humbug!
–N5 & Bedford, Williamsburg
Giggling little girl placing hand in butt-crack of a statue: Daddy, look!
Father: Spank it!
–Times Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Adam Distler
Girl: Would you still love me if I was fat?
Guy: Well, I don’t love you now. You being fat would probably make it so that I wouldn’t even hang out with you.
–Rockefeller Center train station
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
