Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not the Freshmaker

Bimbette: I don't think I've ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…

–6 Train

Overheard by: j

Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.

–NJ Transit

Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.

–Borders

Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.

–E Train

Overheard by: Nicole

College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!

–1 Train

Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what's that smell?

–E 9th & 3rd

Overheard by: Peanut

Posted on April 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Ew, Jersey, Frat Boys, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, On the Subway, Orgasm, Pee, Pizza, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

I Think He’s a Latent Wednesday One-liner

Suit: I’m always really careful when I eat so I don’t have to take it up the ass when I go to the dry cleaner.

–Organic Grill, 1st Avenue

Man: I’m telling you, what you should do is take a picture of yourself naked now and then in about two, three months, take another one and compare. Maybe keep doing that, you know? Keep a photo album documenting it. I think you should.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenni Unicorn

Man on cell: Okay, I gotta go ’cause I’m fucking sweating my dick off.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin Kilroy

College guy: Have you ever jacked off with your feet?

–TKTS, Duffy Square

Guy on cell: I have a blood clot in my asshole!

–15th & 3rd

Woman: He’s a good friend, but the sex is pretty awful. He a good kisser, but he has trouble further than that. I’m just not his type. I don’t have a penis.

–West 4th Street station

Overheard by: Rachel Adler

Puerto Rican guy: Second-best feeling in the world. First is sex. I
guarantee it.

–Barnes & Noble men’s room, Union Square

Posted on April 16, 2015
Asshole, Backdoor, On Cell, On the Subway, Penis, Puerto Ricans, Sex, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Yeaaahhh College!

…While Thinking Of Elephants.

Guy #1: You know that video with the guys and the elephants with the butt sex?
Guy #2: Yeah, that must hurt. What about the one with the black guys?
Guy #1: Oh, the one with the BJs?
(later)
Guy #2: When I was younger I used to masturbate with my friend. We would put a pillow between us and jack off.

–B1 Bus

Posted on April 4, 2015
Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, BJs, Bus, Guys, Masturbation, On the Bus, Weirdness

“Yes, but they’re all programmed to be bottoms.”

Dramasexual #1: Well, at least he’s clean.
Dramasexual #2: …robots are clean.

–NYU Education Building, W. 4th Street

Posted on April 2, 2015
Backdoor, NYU, Queer guys

Anal Penetration: The Universal Language

Guy to friends: My goal in life is to get as many dicks in my ass as possible.
Random girl: Mine too!

–Canal St

Posted on April 1, 2015
Ass, Backdoor, Friends, Girls, Guys, Penis, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

The Lightbulb Moment That Would Change Peter's Life Forever

20-something chick: I still think the dog toy looks like a butt plug.
20-something guy: If there is such a thing.
20-something chick, with shocked face: Are you serious? Yes, there are butt plugs.
20-something guy: For what?
20-something chick: For people.
20-something guy: For *what*?
20-something chick: Nevermind.
20-something guy: No! Tell me! For *what*?

–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea

Overheard by: Saaaandwich?

Posted on March 24, 2015
Backdoor, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, We Love Our Pets

The FCC Demanded a 10 Minute Delay

Drunk girl #1: Oh my God I so know what you are talking about! Wait, you guys were talking about anal sex right?
Drunk girl #2: Uh no, we stopped talking about guys ten minutes ago.

–Red Sky, E. 29th Street

Posted on March 23, 2015
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Drunks, Girls, Idiots, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

Wednesday One-Liners Find Their Niche

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

Posted on March 5, 2015
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Backdoor, Boys, Coworkers, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Innuendo, Insults, Kids, Men, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sexuality, Store, Teens, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Words, Yankee Stadium

The Surest Way to a Man's Heart: Through Your Large Intestine.

30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.
30-something woman #2: What question?
30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.
30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.
30-something woman #1: That's the question!

–E Train to Queens

Overheard by: butt, of course

Headline by: Brian Costlow

Runners-Up:
· “Alex, I’ll Take “Things That Will Never Happen” for $100″ – The Trayster
· “Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions.” – KJM
· “I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse – Just in Case.” – Sodajerk
· “I Just Hope He Doesn’t Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche.” – pieski
· “Pooping the Question” – tech98
· “Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian” – Trey Jackson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 4, 2015
Backdoor, Dating, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Backdoor