Black man #1: Are you going to go to the museum tomorrow?
Black man #2: Hell yeah! I wanna know — how they make a nigga outta wax?!
–Outside Madame Tussaud’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: Laura
Black man #1: Are you going to go to the museum tomorrow?
Black man #2: Hell yeah! I wanna know — how they make a nigga outta wax?!
–Outside Madame Tussaud’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: Laura
Black girl: My daddy says I can’t fight her because she’s pregnant.
Wigger chick: Her face ain’t pregnant, is it?
–Subway bathroom, 4th & 6th
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
Negligent mom: He’s a little boy — that’s what he’s supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!
–Danice, 125th & 8th
Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag
Guy: You think I don’t have one? You think I don’t have one?! I will flash everyone on this train!
–6 train
Black man to girlfriend: Why you tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick for? Oh, you sad now? Well, stop tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Against Marj
Little kid waiting to cross street: Owww, my wiener!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sandy
Queer: Rocky got hard during ‘Touch me, touch me’ because Janet would rub all over him and he was straight… And in those little yellow shorts you could see his penis grow like a torpedo.
–1 train
Overheard by: Smirking Minnesotan
Professor, about ancient Greek theater: Lots of padding, lots of masks, lots of… phalluses.
–Columbia University
Wigger referring to Lhasa Apso on leash: Yo, yo, man, look at that dog. I told my bitch I’d steal a dog like that for her.
Black friend: You like them faggot dogs? I like me a mothafuckah dat can tear somebody’s ass up, like a Doberman or some shit.
Wigger, pausing to think: Man, it’s dangerous to steal a Doberman!
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
Grey-haired middle-aged man on cell: 40 grand for a suck. No… 40 grand, and I’ll suck your dick.
–Fashion District
Man on cell: What about the licking? Did you practice licking? I can’t teach you anything if you don’t practice. You have to practice the licking if you want to do it right.
–78th St & 37th Ave
Overheard by: Jillian
Homeless woman: Everyone on this train eats pussy! Guys, girls, all ya’ll!
–2 train
Overheard by: Macaire
Ghetto dude: Do you see that building? Do you see that building? That’s NYU. It took me 26 years to get my degree there. And what am I doing? Still sucking white dick.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Jay
Guy on cell: Yeah, man, this chick just gave me a blowjob. She was like, ‘Are you on Restless?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,’ and then she dropped to her knees!
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: wishing i did soaps
Suit on cell: On one hand, you’re married, and I don’t need that kind of drama. On the other hand, you do owe me a blowjob.
–Wall St, 2-3 stop atrium
Overheard by: did he get a receipt?
Black employee: Yo, why you gotta be hatin’ on my family like that?
White kid: Because you’re black.
Black employee: … Your mama’s black!
–Gristedes, 20th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Caroline
Hobo: You go to USC? I used to go there, man. Of course, I didn’t graduate… Don’t major in Chemistry. Also, don’t smoke crack.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: not planning on it
Conductor: If you do not fit through the physics of the train, please step aside — this train is not made of spandex.
–F train
Overheard by: BellaFrancine
Bimbette: I could change the world if I just opened my Biology book.
–Dorm room, Columbia campus
Overheard by: college girl
Elegant 20-ish black chick on cell: Do you truly expect me to come out to New Jersey so I can drink Rolling Rock? And listen to Matchbox 20? With a bunch of white bitches? Who majored in Psychology? … How many things are wrong with that?
–Salvation Army store, Waverly Place
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Black dude on cell: No! No one outside of the family sleeps with my Grandma!
–Parking lot
Man to dogs sniffing each other: Stop! Do not molest your sister in public!
–57th St & 7th Ave
Girl: I’d love to date you, but first we need to get a blood test to make sure we’re not second cousins.
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: tj
Mid-40s guy: So, it was like me on my grandparents’ bed with my mom…
–Penn Station
Hipster on cell: Thanksgiving ended, and we still don’t know. Is Leland having sex with his father’s girlfriend?
–Outside UCB Theatre
Black guy: Yo, you know what ‘FUBU’ stand for?
Black girl: Yeah, ‘For Us, by Us.’
Black guy: Naw, it stand for ‘Farmers Used to Beat Us.’
Black girl: It does not! It’s ‘For Us, by Us’!
Black guy: That’s what they want you to think. Everybody knows it’s ‘Farmers Used to Beat Us.’
Black girl: There ain’t no ‘T’ in ‘FUBU’!
Black guy: That don’t matter.
Black girl: You ign’ant, nigga!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Greg Reeves
