Spanish guy: She’s half Spanish.
Black woman: No, she’s black.
Spanish guy: No, she’s half Spanish.
Black woman: She ain’t no half Spanish. Her name is Juanita. That don’t sound Spanish to me.
–Holiday Inn, 57th & 10th
Overheard by: CGS
Spanish guy: She’s half Spanish.
Black woman: No, she’s black.
Spanish guy: No, she’s half Spanish.
Black woman: She ain’t no half Spanish. Her name is Juanita. That don’t sound Spanish to me.
–Holiday Inn, 57th & 10th
Overheard by: CGS
Old black guy #1: You know who really has their shit together?
Old black guy #2: Who?
Old black guy #1: The Amish.
Old black guy #2: For sure.
–F train
Female associate: … See, that’s his problem. He be startin’ shit with niggas when he know he ain’t armed!
Male associate: He gon’ get stabbed again.
Female associate: He get stabbed again, I’ma be like, ‘See ya!’ You can’t talk shit you ain’t got no gun!
–Filene’s Basement, Union Square
Overheard by: Manhattan
Black man: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Portugal.
Black man: Shiiit! I’ve never heard that one before.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Maria
A man jumps onto the subway tracks to retrieve an item for his female companion.
Black teen chick #1: What is that guy doing?
Black teen chick #2: Is that a black man?! It figures that’s a black man! You gotta set a better example for our people!
–Borough Hall
Black man #1: Are you going to go to the museum tomorrow?
Black man #2: Hell yeah! I wanna know — how they make a nigga outta wax?!
–Outside Madame Tussaud’s, 42nd St
Overheard by: Laura
Black girl: My daddy says I can’t fight her because she’s pregnant.
Wigger chick: Her face ain’t pregnant, is it?
–Subway bathroom, 4th & 6th
Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.
–Baggage claim, JFK
Negligent mom: He’s a little boy — that’s what he’s supposed to do! They have penises so they can wave them around!
–Danice, 125th & 8th
Overheard by: Tammy Scumbag
Guy: You think I don’t have one? You think I don’t have one?! I will flash everyone on this train!
–6 train
Black man to girlfriend: Why you tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick for? Oh, you sad now? Well, stop tellin’ everybody ’bout mah dick!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Against Marj
Little kid waiting to cross street: Owww, my wiener!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sandy
Queer: Rocky got hard during ‘Touch me, touch me’ because Janet would rub all over him and he was straight… And in those little yellow shorts you could see his penis grow like a torpedo.
–1 train
Overheard by: Smirking Minnesotan
Professor, about ancient Greek theater: Lots of padding, lots of masks, lots of… phalluses.
–Columbia University
Wigger referring to Lhasa Apso on leash: Yo, yo, man, look at that dog. I told my bitch I’d steal a dog like that for her.
Black friend: You like them faggot dogs? I like me a mothafuckah dat can tear somebody’s ass up, like a Doberman or some shit.
Wigger, pausing to think: Man, it’s dangerous to steal a Doberman!
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: Big Larry
