Wednesday One-Liners Cast the First Stone

Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.

–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm

Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Proud Sinner

Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.

–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station

Passenger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!

–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping

Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea

Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.

–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: M. Nofier

Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp.

–Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn

Overheard by: our lady mess

Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny!

–36th & 6th

Overheard by: He touched me too

Posted on September 13, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Elevators, Girls, Hell, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Religion, Starbucks

Looking at Him Made Her Nave Tingle

Middle-Aged lady: …then she started going to church and got pregnant.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: not mine

Posted on August 28, 2006
Christianity, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Should've Used a Condom, Women

It’s Like Catholics Who Get Divorced or Have Abortions

Shiksa girl #1: Oh, now I get it!
Shiksa girl #2: Get what?
Shiksa girl #1: Jews for Jesus. See, Jews don’t usually believe in Jesus, but these ones do.
Shiksa girl #2: That totally makes sense. That’s why they’re called “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: They’re not Jews. They’re Christians.
Shiksa girl #2: But it says “Jews for Jesus”!
Jewish dude: If you believe in Jesus, you aren’t a Jew.
Shiksa girl #1: I don’t get it.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Lauren Lerner

Posted on August 20, 2006
Christianity, Christians, Jesus, Jews, Judaism, On the Subway, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

What do You Mean, ‘Jewish’? I Thought This Was Some Kind of Giant Robot Cartoon!

Crazy lady: Hooray! Jewish people!
Guy Wearing “Israeli Defense Force” t-shirt: Actually, I’m Catholic.

–60th & Madison

Posted on August 15, 2006
Catholics, Christianity, Crazies, Judaism, Upper East Side

Mary: ‘God Was so Small, it Was Like I Was Doing it With Myself’

Altar boy #1: Plants are asexual since they do it with themselves and then spawn.
Altar boy #2: Like Mother Mary?

–Bronx High School of Science

Posted on August 12, 2006
Animals & Nature, Bronx Science, Catholics, Christianity, Teens, The Bronx

We’re a Sodomite Youth Group

Woman: My name is Mrs. Williams*, and I am selling stuffed animals for the Happy Family organization. We believe in the sanctity of family and abstinence before marriage.
Queer: You’re talking to the wrong people.
Woman: Oh, you’re college students. I thought you were a Christian youth group or something.

–23rd & 5th

Overheard by: Brian R

Posted on July 17, 2006
Christianity, College, Manhattan, Marriage, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Places, Queers, Religion, Sex, Sex & Relationships

To Be Fair, She’s Really More Of a Cyborg

20-Something #1: My roommate was this die-hard Christian.
20-Something #2: Born again?
20-Something #1: No, just regular.
20-Something #2: What’s the difference?

Pause.

20-Something #1: I don’t really know.
20-Something #2: My first roommate was, too. She liked this one lady, Joyce Meyers.
20-Something #1: I didn’t know that women could be priestesses in the Catholic religion.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: jtango