Slutty girl: My high school history teacher ate my pussy. Then the science teacher. He ate my pussy. Then in college my freshman philosophy professor and my junior year economics professor, they ate my pussy.
Practical girl: You need to put out a Zagat guide to your twat.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: PDJ
Woman: And I was like, “Do you want my breasts to make the copies for you”?
–9th Ave
Overheard by: Michelle
Bag lady: Hey, those tits look great on you!
–Maiden & William
Overheard by: thanks, but they’re not fake
Airport security guard, to woman going through the security line: I said outerwear not underwear!
–LaGuardia Airport
Girl: You’re like McDonald’s: over one billion served!
Guy: So what does that make you: an extra value meal?
–7th & B
Old-lady candy-pusher: I be sellin’ candy for the school. I have M&Ms and Jujyfruits and Almond Joy with and without the nuts.
Drunken gay guy: Nobody wants your candy. It probably has razor blades in it and shit. Just go away.
Old-lady candy-pusher: Look at you talkin’. You are the anti man!
–downtown 2 train
Overheard by: Stefanie
Tourist: Will you take $20 for that bag?
Street vendor: Twenty? You’ve got nerve. I’ll pray for you.
Tourist: Pray that someone is stupid enough to pay more than twenty bucks for that plastic piece of shit.
–52nd & Madison
Guy #1: I really think African Americans are bipolar. They all seem to have high self esteem, are hyperactive all the time, and are easily irritable.
Guy #2: Shut up nigga. You know I’m better than those cats.
Guy #1: And they can never hear themselves talking.
–F train
Guy #1: Did you bring your cell phone charger today?
Guy #2: Oh yeah. Like, they be giving free electricity up in here, for real.
–Kings Criminal Court Building, Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chris Thompson
Man: Oh my god, there’s a spider in my salad.
Woman: What? That’s not a spider.
Man: Well, it’s either a spider or four pubic hairs tied together in a knot, neither of which I am willing to consume.
–T.G.I. Friday’s, East 42nd Street
Overheard by: StephGold
Guy: Stop being such a Debbie Downer.
Girl: Stop watching such shitty tv shows.
–Q train
Girl #1: We only fucked for like 2 minutes.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: He has ADD.
Girl #2: Is that, like, when the person has more than one personality?
Girl #1: No, I wish. Role playing would be a lot easier.
–Hunter College North-West bridge
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
