Actor #1: It wasn’t like sex vagina, it was more like–
Actor #2: –There’s more than one kind?
–Epiphany
Actor #1: It wasn’t like sex vagina, it was more like–
Actor #2: –There’s more than one kind?
–Epiphany
Dude #1: … And it had this sort of feeling like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Dude #2: What’s the Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Dude #1: It’s, ummm… The Rocky Hor— Hmmm. It’s, ummm… It’s just like Star Wars but for transvestites.
–10th St, between 5th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Eli… NYU design dude
Clueless white lady: Oh, I wanted to see this Dave Chappelle’s Black Party— I mean, uh…
–Virgin Megastore, Union Square
White guy: I didn’t call him a monkey because he was black, I called him a monkey because he’s a fucking retard.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Little Dominican boy to teacher: How come only black people get to be Indians?
–Plains Indians exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Old white lady trips over middle-aged white guy’s luggage: You’re just as bad as the black people!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: trying to get out of the way
Black guy to white guy in giant afro wig: Yeah, I wish I could be black.
–St. Mark’s Pl
Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.
–American Airlines flight
Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!
–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us
Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself
Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.
–100 Washington Sq East
Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.
–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station
Overheard by: wasn’t me
Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.
–PATH, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Girl #1: Oh my god, I just thought of something so cool!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Women are like magicians!
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: They pull bunnies out of hats, and we can pull babies out of our vaginas!
Girl #2: Wow, you’re so smart!
Girl #1: I know, right?
–Apple Store
Professor pointing at a slide of Andy Warhol’s Elvis and one of a giant mountain: Can anyone tell me what the similarities and differences of these two images are?
Student #1: The Warhol print is completely commercial, while the mountain is very natural.
Professor: Yes, that’s one way to see them. Anyone else?
Student #2: One’s a big rock, and one’s the king of rock.
Professor: I think we can all go home now.
–NYU
Overheard by: Addison
Woman #1: I just come home to problems.
Woman #2: I come home to everything nice.
Woman #1: No, I just have problems. It’s always problems with him!
Woman #2: My cat is just right there, and he’s always fine and doesn’t complain, and that’s why I just love having a cat instead.
–Pine St & William St
Overheard by: why i don’t have a cat
Girl #1: So, I met a boy this weekend who isn’t an asshole drug dealer, for a change.
Girl #2: But he’s a drug dealer?
Girl #1: Who isn’t?
Girl #2: Um… me?
Girl #1: No. He’s not a drug dealer.
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant he’s a drug dealer, just not an asshole one.
–23rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jackattack
Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit.
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl
Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear
Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses.
–53rd & 7th
Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus.
–Target, Atlantic Center
Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Lili
Brunette: But… I don’t know what to say to him. What do you say to that?
Redhead: Just tell him you wanna use him like a pogo stick.
–Line at Helen Hayes Theater
