Crazy guy: Vote for me for king of the world!
Passerby: What on your resume qualifies you to be king of the world?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Morgan
Crazy guy: Vote for me for king of the world!
Passerby: What on your resume qualifies you to be king of the world?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Morgan
Crazy lady, after announcement of impending closing: Don’t kick me out! You can’t kick me out — I’m handicapped! [Security guard stares.] I have my sticker! In my bag! [Announcement repeats in French.] I don’t even understand what she’s saying! [Minutes later] Hey! Is this a new Picasso? I’ve never seen this one before!
–MoMA
Overheard by: stoned assholes
Chick: Hey, you’re wearing red, white, and blue. So patriotic!
Dude: Heh, yeah. Go America.
Bushy black mustache guy, fully-clothed in denim: What’s wrong with America?! Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything! When it’s hot in the elevator and the doors open, Santa says, ‘Get out!’ Oh, this is Santa’s floor! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything!
–Elevator, Fordham University
Overheard by: Kate
Scary woman in Che Guevara hat, trying to bite her own back: Asia is occupied!
Man in group of hot chicks: What the fuck?
Scary woman: Two drinks and you can piss in my pussy!
–Sammy’s Asian Gourmet, W 3rd & 6th
Overheard by: Alex
Man: Come on, baby, come back to my place!
Woman: Nah, the last time I went over to your place you stabbed me!
Man: Baby, that was four years ago!
–F train, Roosevelt Island
Overheard by: Milo
Crazy guy with headphones: Do you think Jesus set up a hit against Satan when he was resurrected?
Suit: I don’t know.
–2 train, Fulton St stop
Crazy bag lady: You got any matches, bitch?
Tourist girl: No…
Crazy bad lady: You got a lighter, bitch?
Tourist girl: No, I don’t smoke.
Crazy bad lady: Oh. Then you got any cigarettes, bitch?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: nonsmoker’s friend
Dude: … And I stabbed her with a pencil. That’s when she turned into a vampire!
Friend: Are you serious?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: Stef
Headline by: Arlene
Runners-Up:
· “Night Of the Living Spongebob” – Lalaith
· “Anne Rice Has Officially Run Out Of Ideas” – Jeff
· “It Might Be Time to Retire, Stephen King.” – space coyote
· “Sure I Am. Now Finish Your Paint Chips.” – Craig should be working
· “Tom Cruise Explains Scientology” – Meg
· “Undead Serious” – t.a.m.s.y.
Man: Do you know who I am?
Kid: What?
Man: Do you know who I am!
Kid: Uh…
Man: I’m King David! Do you know why I got this medal?
Kid: [Silent.]Man: For slaying Goliath!
–7 train
Overheard by: Matt
Hobo at end of rant: God bless John Lennon and Marvin Gaye, because John Lennon said, ‘All you need is love,’ and Marvin Gaye said, ‘What’s goin’ on.’
Old lady: Now, that’s a nice thing to remember.
–7 train
Overheard by: Tom
